When taking your exams it is important that you master a good exam technique and know exactly how to get away with cheating. Like Terrorism and Obesity, cheating is something the government has been fighting for years and therefore it is important that you know the most cutting edge techniques in order to stand any chance of succeeding.

Bribery
The oldest techniques are sometimes the best. Unfortunately in modern age of DVD players and Convertible Sports cars an apple isn’t going to get you very far. You may think that you should approach the teacher who likes you the most, or is often in a good mood. This would be an incorrect assumption.

These teachers genuinely care for their jobs and believe that it is in your best interests to pass your exams fairly. Instead, find the teacher who shouts at his class the most, smokes, and has shares in a red biro company. As they hate you and their job they will happily help you cheat in your exam for a Widescreen TV or a subscription to Playboy.

Multiple Exam Technique
With A-Levels and GCSEs becoming easier by the minute it is not unusual for pupils to be sitting vast quantities of extra exams. Therefore, if you enter yourself for extra exams on the days that your most critical papers are sat you will not arouse suspicion. If you do ensure that you choose a popular subject that clashes with the exam you want to do well in. This means that you will sit the extra exam first whilst the critical paper is being sat. Pay off some lower school pupils to set off the fire alarm at the end of this exam giving you a convenient window of time to meet the class genius who just took your real exam and ‘discuss’ the paper he thinks you just sat thus giving you all of the answers.

Cheat in Mock Exams
If taking an essay paper cheat in your mock exams. As these are not official you will be able heat using a variety of methods such as:

Stealing an paper the night before the exam
Intercepting your exam paper before it is marked and substituting an A grade essay.
Switching papers with the class swot.

As a result your predicted grade will be very high. When you sit your real exam, write your essay using a fountain pen, but smudge all the text so it is completely unintelligible and the exam board will assume the paper was damaged in transit. They will then contact the school and award you the grade awarded to you by your teacher’s predictions.

Tecwen Whittock / SARS Technique
Formerly called ‘Outbreak of Flu’ – this technique is no longer practised since reaching a high profile status after unsuccessfully being used by contestants on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” The government is keen to crack down on it so don’t expect a lenient punishment if you are caught attempting it.