Following the largest earthquake in 40 years, thousands of Western tourists have been left stranded in their holiday destinations with conditions making it impossible for their planes to leave on time.

“I think it is terrible,” British tourist Keith Wilson declared in disgust, “I paid Thomas Cook good money to ensure my plane left at 8pm and this is the best excuse they can come up with?”

Mr Wilson was also not happy with the service he recently experienced in the hotel:

“A wave came crashing through the building and soaked everything. I demanded that the hotel staff replace my bed sheets and wash my clothes but I got told that most of the staff had left early to see what they could salvage of their homes. I don’t think they showed the welcoming attitude Westerners have come to expect on their vacations.”

With reports of 10,000 dead across Southern Asia a representative from the hotel explained the service was not ordinary, but then neither were the events. He assured Mr Wilson that experiencing the worst earthquake in 40 years was not a usual event. However, Mr Wilson pointed out that his events were not uncommon:

“They damn well got me too,” Chuck Hankman, a retired US Navy Officer told us, “I’ve been to Vietnam and Iraq and I’ve never experienced anything as bad as this. I’ve certainly never been this wet.”

Mr Hankman had his own theories on the disaster which he was eager to share, “Al-Qaeda. Who else could it be? With both Britain and America affected it can be no one else. This whole Earthquake causing a flood nonsense… I don’t buy it. From my movie experience it is giant asteroids that cause flooding, or car pollution if you The Day After Tomorrow, but earthquakes and flooding? Hollywood hasn’t linked those two natural disasters… yet.”