|Microsoft Respond to Apple iPad by Building Giant Xbox - January 28th 2010|
Following yesterday's announcment of the highly anticipated Apple tablet computer, the iPad, Microsoft has responded to the launch by constructing a 40 storey tall Xbox 360 in Seattle.
“For quite some time,” Microsoft spokesperson Chuck Hankman announced, “We at Microsoft have been asking whether or not there is room in the market for something between a home games console and an intergalactic time travelling space cruiser. And we think that there is.”
Mr Hankman went on to explain that whilst there might not be a need in the market for such a device, or even a use, it would certainly be the perfect frivolous purchase that anyone whose favourite pastime was constantly bugging their friends to look at how cool their latest gadget was, should get.
“Some people say the answer to this is just to shrink down an intergalactic time-travelling spaceship into a skyscraper sized NetShip. However that does nothing that an intergalactic spaceship does not do, and what it does do it does worse.
“Therefore, we concluded the only possible other way to solve this problem was to just build a bigger version of the most powerful games console on the market. We call it Xbax.”
Microsoft hopes that the size of the Xbax will cunningly disguise the total lack of new ideas.
Mr Hankman continued by demonstrating some of the Xbax's new features.
“The great thing about Xbax is that it is instantly familiar,” He explained, “It's exactly the same interface that you see on your Xbox, only much much bigger. It does all the same stuff, anyone will know how to use it.”
Mr Hankman spent nearly an hour demonstrating all the features of Xbax, all identical to the features on the Xbox 360 that he had demonstrated 5 years ago, however discussed them in a way as if they were brand new and he had never seen them before.
“Look!” He exclaimed excitedly, “It has these great wireless controllers – and when something important happens on the game, they vibrate! It's really really cool.”
By the end of the demonstration reporters had counted at least 42 discreet occurrences of the words 'really,really cool' but absolutely no explanation of what useful features from an intergalactic time-travelling space cruiser were present on the Xbax.
Instead of just answering the question, Mr Hankman sidestepped to the issue of price.
“Now many people will tell you that we are going to charge a 100 billion dollars for the Xbax, and that would be fairly exclusive price. But we're not going to do that.” He paused, as a big grin emerged on his face, “Xbax is going to retail for 49 billion dollars... now that is less than half the price that I initially put in your head. Doesn't that make it look really really cheap now. You'd be fools not to buy it.
“Oh,” he quickly added whilst powerwalking off of the stage, “That is only for the entry level model and does not include any accessories like a controller pad. If you want to have an Xbax worth buying you pretty much have to pay the 100 billion dollar figure I put in your head to begin with. Good night!”
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