Saddam Hussein Asked to Leave Windsor Castle and to Take Those Weapons of Mass Destruction with Him.

25th July 2003

A spokesperson for the Royal Family confirmed reports that it had asked Saddam Hussein to leave the grounds of Windsor Castle earlier this week. The former Iraqi Dictator had been hiding out in the Castle since the end of the war but had not been discovered until late Sunday evening.

The police officer who made the discovery explained how he stumbled across the former dictator:

“Well my job is to monitor the hallway by the doorway to the unused, abandoned cellar. Anyway, for the last few weeks, there’s been a light on and strange Arabic music coming from the door, which had been irritating me. However, on Sunday, it was much louder so I decided to check it out and much to my surprise I found Saddam Hussein and his two sons partying away.

“Obviously, they must have managed to sneak in as I was fairly certain the Queen hadn’t invited them. So I told them that they shouldn't be there and made a note to tell my superior on Monday morning.

“Of course, it slipped my mind on Monday, but I did remember on Tuesday. My superior immediately went to the basement where they’d been hiding and asked Saddam to leave, his sons must have been out but we told him to tell them they weren’t welcome either.

“As he was leaving, we were checking the cellar, clearing up the empty bottles and plates littering the floor, and we noticed this huge collection of nuclear and chemical warheads sitting in the corner.

“Now, last time I checked, those weapons are a little extreme for fox hunting so we knew they didn’t belong to any of the royals – except maybe Edward – so we putt two and two together and called the Iraqi dictator back and told him to take his property with him.”

The two men, then reported the incident to the Royals, at which point Prince William stated he had actually been the cellar and see Saddam Hussein, but thought it was just Prince Charles playing a practical joke.