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>> Submission > Public Smoking Ban Will Hit Buddhists Hard
Public Smoking Ban Will Hit Buddhists Hard - July 1st 2004
Submission by George Rolph, Special Correspondent for the Zanzibar Herald and Bombay Gazette.

In a move, described as ‘historic’ by Tony Blair, the government is to outlaw public smoking.

"If people want to set themselves on fire, said the prime minister, they are perfectly at liberty to do so in their own homes but, as a society, we can no longer tolerate it on Britain's streets. As a government we have taken this historic decision to ensure the safety of non Buddhists everywhere and we think that this historic change in the law will go down in history as being historic."

The move came after Mr. Tzu Dafucru Knockerfeeler of the Buddhist organization, Ordinary Meditation, (O.M.) set himself alight during a council meeting in Wigan in protest at being prevented from smoking on trains.

Jack Straw, Harriet Harmen, Margaret Hodge and David Blunkett all described the move as ‘Historic’.

George Galloway said, "This move is typical of the repression this government engages in and I think that if faintly weird foreigners want to burn themselves in public, it is not for government to stop them!

300 other Labour MP`S said the move was ‘Historic’.

On the BBC Newsnight program, Jeremy Paxman pretended to put the Labour Minister Mr. Tom Watson through a tough interview that was memorable mainly for Mr. Paxman’s misreading of the auto-cue as he introduced Mr. T Watson as "Mr. Twat-son."

Mr. Watson MP used the interview as a chance to attack fathers4justice and their recent high profile stunts and marches to get rights for fathers to see their own children. Asked by Mr. Paxman for his reaction to the Buddhist protest against public smoking, Mr. Watson seemed to miss the point entirely.

"This is exactly why we must outlaw all dissent from fathers in this country." Said Mr. Watson to a confused Mr. Paxman. "This irresponsible action by Mr. Knockerfeeler is typical of the sort of irresponsible attitudes men have towards the safety of women and children."

Mr. Paxman asked Mr. Watson, "What the F**k are you going on about?"

Mr. Watson countered, "Look Jeremy, I realise that as a journalist you have pickled your brain cells in alcohol for 40 years and now have the IQ of an autistic chimp but, as an MP (and therefore someone who always knows better than anyone else on all the subjects ever known to man) in a modern Labour government, we are well aware that fathers are totally irresponsible and likely to set themselves alight for the slightest of reasons, such as losing contact with their children. In this case, (and I have researched this incident very carefully because I knew you would ask me about it on this program) Mr. Knockerfeeler obviously felt that his futile protest would bring fathers4justice yet more publicity in their misguided and foolish attempts to get justice, er, I mean, unreasonable access to their children."

A thoroughly exasperated Mr. Paxman looked directly in the camera, raised an eyebrow in disgust and said, "You lot voted for this moron!" He then turned to Mr. Watson and said, "Mr. Knockerfeeler is not a member of fathers4justice. In fact, I doubt very much he has ever heard of fathers4justice. Furthermore Mr. Watson, the safety of children does not enter into this discussion because Wigan council meetings are not usually full of kids. (Although, on second thoughts...). I suspect you are using your obsession with fathers4justice to totally evade the point and to avoid answering the question. As for your research skills, have you ever thought of churning out domestic violence reports?"

Mr. Watson looked directly into the camera and, ignoring Mr. Paxman’s outburst said, "This move by Tony Blair is historic."

I contacted fathers4justice to ask them how they felt about the accusations made during the Newsnight interview.

"Fan-bloody-tastic" Said one of their spokesmen. "To get that much free publicity from one report about a loony who has never even heard of us is amazing. Most of the time the BBC ignore us because their boss Tony Blair has told them to, so to get this much coverage over something we had nothing to do with is incredible." The over excited fathers4justice spokesman then sprayed my nose purple and offered to sell me a T Shirt which read, "Fathers4Justice... coming to a crane near you, soon."

Mr. Tzu Dafucru Knockerfeeler was released from hospital at 2:00pm today and was instantly arrested by armed police and charged under the "Burning of fingernails act." of 1264 for, "Being in possession of a can of lighter fuel with intent to set alight to his index finger. He was also charged with, "Being in possession of a bald head and a saffron robe" contrary to the "Dressing in a way likely to cause you to look silly act" of 1164. He was bailed to appear at Wigan magistrate’s court during his lifetime.

I managed to ask him if he supported fathers4justice. He replied, "Are they Buddhists?" I left quickly after he asked me if I had a match.

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