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>> Submission > Shocking News!
Shocking News! - July 11th 2004
Submission by George Rolph, Special Correspondent for the Zanzibar Herald and Bombay Gazette.

As a result of a mix up of fax numbers, this reporter found himself accidentally invited to a secret meeting of socialist ministers from around the world in a sandwich bar in Kilburn at the weekend.

I arrived at the meeting suitably dressed in Islington style trousers and a jacket with leather patches. On my feet I wore sandals and Argyle socks. My red shirt had a blue tie which, although clashing horribly, gave the impression that I was well aware that Tony Blair manages to appear half Extreme Tory and half Communist.

The group I met were made up of half men and half women and those were just the feminists.

We sat around two tables pushed together and I pressed the record button on a hidden tape recorder in my trendy New Labour rucksack.

The meeting, it transpired, had been called to discuss ways in which the radical left from around the world could find further ways to creatively demonise men in the press and on TV as part of their plan to create an all powerful matriarchy.

I learned that the writers of various soap operas had been put under pressure to make fathers and fathers groups look bad by writing scripts in which the men concerned always made stupid or violent decisions and were brought down by either clever women or the police. I learned further that the BBC news team were required to, "Only report male crimes and under no circumstances to criticize anything female. Furthermore you (The BBC representative was told) are to use every possible opportunity to press the radical feminist agenda and to shame all men for daring to feel like men. Particularly on the breakfast news program."

The head of BBC programming was told make further efforts to program the British people by using children's programs, wild life shows and "Top of the Pops" to promote the idea of the bad father or brutal husband. Songs, I learned, had been especially written by Marx, Engels and Waterman and given to angry young women to sing on "Top of the Pops" in efforts to, "Ensure a good crop of angry young women in the future that will hate their boyfriends and become the next generation of lesbian leaders."

We then listened to a pre recorded, children's television wildlife script, describing the lives of a pack of Ferrets living in Sunderland. Here is a transcript:

Transcript
Here we see the violent male Ferret threatening to eat its young. See the way the brave mother Ferret drives it from the burrow. Male Ferrets are lazy, rather stupid and fail to provide for their families. The females deal with them by keeping them from any access to the children and forcing them out of the home to live in smaller burrows all alone. The mothers then steal the fathersí food. You must admire the way the mothers deal with the idle and vicious fathers. See how the mother Ferrets all gather together and chase off any male that comes near. Aren't they clever and brave? Just like your mummy really."




After listening to this script I could not help wondering if we would all see the family of Ferrets appear on the "Trisha Show" in the near future where the male Ferret would suffer ritual humiliation from the audience and the rapacious Trisha.

The meeting broke up after an agreement was reached to make news laws that will prosecute men for, "conspiring to make women feel oppressed." This crime will be punishable with removal from the home and children and up to 5 years in prison. It will receive its trial run in Spain and if successful there, will be brought to Britain and the commonwealth in the near future.

We all sang "Keep the red flag flying" in whispers and a resolution was passed to give the judge in Ray Parlors divorce case the Order of Lenin. We left the sandwich bar in small groups and tried hard to look furtive.

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By eykosikl on 10/04/2010 11:13:38
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