Teachers nationwide have insisted today that their primary reason for entering the profession is due to a love of helping others learn rather than any of the many ulterior motives thrown around – such as long holidays, the power of being in complete control of someone’s academic future, or more importantly, end of the year gifts.

Schoolteacher, Keith Wilson, who teaches 10-11 yr olds at a small rural primary school stopped to speak to us regarding the subject manner:

“I don’t know where these fallacious rumours have originated but it is completely untrue. I have been teaching for nearly 10 years and whilst it is true I have received gifts from a percentage of my students each year my reason for remaining in the profession is because I consider it a vocation to stand at the front of a room and be the central conduit that abuse gets channelled through for nearly 200 days a year.

“Hmm, that didn’t quite come across as I intended. Could you excuse me, the truck has just arrived to take home the snooker table little Damien got me.”

A schoolteacher from the local high school, Miss X. E. Leggs who recently changed her name on hearing she would teaching history to a large percentage of 14-16 year old boys, agrees with the issues raised by Mr Wilson:

“I think that people blow the whole present deal all out of proportion. I know that 50 years ago teachers received apples as a token of good will from their students but we had just finished fighting the First World War. I wouldn’t be surprised if an apple was worth more back then than the laptop, holiday to California and diamond ring that I received this year put together are worth today.

“This is why our Unions are fully supportive of the new ‘Gifts for your Tutor’ magazine recently launched. Not only does it offer a great range of reasonably gifts pupils can buy their teachers, but it means we get a slice of the money they spend on the present as well as the gift itself. It’s a win win situation don’t you think.”

The magazine also features a long list of guidelines for pupils thinking of giving their teacher a leaving present, such as:

1. Do not give your teacher a hand made present or card as it will waste valuable time you could be spending learning or chatting to your friends on MSN. It is far more time efficient for you to use your parents’ credit card to buy a gift online. Whilst you are buying the gift, you can continue chatting to your friends or researching your history project.

2. Check with your friends what they are buying as well. Whilst it will you not bother your teacher to receive two identical gifts you will look like a complete idiot in front of all your friends.

3. Teachers are busy and rarely have chance to visit the Cash Machines. As an added gift why not include a £10 or £20 note with the card.