Although cloning has been a reality for many years, certain scientists have wished to push forwards the boundaries past the conventional methods of simple biological methods and compile clones digitally on computers enabling many refinements to occur virtually before outputting the final superior clone, making an otherwise lengthy and costly procedure significantly more efficient.

By cloning a biological organism on a computer, scientists would be able to predict the effects that changes to the fabric of the being would have. They would carry out virtual tests on their chosen refinements and accurately determine the consequences on both the being and its environment.

It was believed that this technology was either decades away or impossible, however scientists have confessed that it has been a reality now for over 9 months.

“People will obviously doubt our claims at first,” Dr Keith Wilson, the project’s leader boasted at the beginning of his official press report, “But the proof is in the pudding. We have made Virtual Cloning a reality.”

Doctor Wilson then proceeded to talk the assembled journalists through a visual presentation he had prepared documenting his team’s efforts but stopped half way to make a shock announcement:

“I keep saying ‘us’ ‘we’ and ‘teamwork’ – but the fact is this is a sole project. I don’t know why I keep telling you I have others involved, maybe I think people will take me more seriously if I say I am a member of a team. I’m not. I do all my work myself and I’m too modest to take the credit for it.”

After the ambient noise generated by clichéd deep breaths and shocked mutterings died down, Dr Wilson continued:

“I suppose you want to know what it is I have created? A flying pig? A pink elephant?

“Unfortunately the truth is not so elaborate.” He disclosed after a brief dramatic pause, “I chose to improve on a simple household vegetable.”

Dr Wilson produced an onion and placed it on his podium for all to see.

“This is it, this is the onion,” he announced, “It is what I chose to clone, what I sought to improve, what I have put all my time and effort into for the world to realise it is possible to improve on nature’s design.

“Just because something has existed for an untold period of time does not mean it is the best possible design. It is by no means the pinnacle – it is a temporary plateau. There are better designs out there, superior in many or every respect.

“In fact, the onion was not at the start of the chain, it was just the most recent evolutionary model of a long chain of development. What I have created is the next link in that chain, but that might just be my random perspective.”