The British Government today announced that it was going to take the United States of America to the international court on charges of vandalism to the English language. Speaking outside Number 10 in a press conference, British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he felt that Britain’s most important invention had been undermined by the American Public:
"There are varying degrees of the atrocity:" Mr Blair stated, "The obvious complaints are against the removal of the letter U from most words, and the reversal of the letters RE in others. There are, however, many other crimes that have been committed which I have detailed in my official document which I have released to the press."
The document included more serious accusations, such as the switching of entire words. One such example is the word soccer, which replaces football that is then used to replace "Rugby with pads." Another complaint was that “trousers” is replaced with pants, which is the English word for Underpants.
Another accusation is concerning the creation of new words such as elevator. In true British English this should really be lift. The final section of the document was devoted to entire phrases such as "Goddammit" and "Sue the pants off you" which no respectable Englishmen would ever be caught saying.
The international courts and UN Security Council released their official response to England’s protest only minutes ago:
"Godammit, the Brits are trying to sue the pants off us,"
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