RyanAir Unveils "Urinate in your seat" Cost-saving Policy

1st March 2009

Budget Airline "RyanAir" unveiled new cost saving measures today, encouraging passengers to urinate in their seat. Chief Executive Michael O'Leary revealed the policy when he announceded that RyanAir was considering charging passengers to use the toilet.

“One thing we have looked at in the past and are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door so that people might actually have to spend a pound to spend a penny,” Michael O'Leary said in a televison interview with the BBC.

It was explained that this measure would persuade passengers to hold out from urinating in the onboard toilet and instead just go in their seat:

"At the end of the day, if people are only prepared to pay the price of a RyanAir ticket as the cost for flying across Europe then they are hardly likely to spend more than 5 pence for going to the toilet." said Keith Wilson, a Consumer Analyst. "Pricing it at £1 they can guarantee none of their passengers would be prepared to shell that out."

By convincing all the passengers to stop using the onboard toilet RyanAir will be able to get rid of it and put in even more seats.

"In the space of a one square metre toilet cubicle Ryanair could put in at least 3 more rows of seats." Keith Wilson explained, "That's a further 18 more people ready to wet themselves just to save a few pounds or euros on their airfare."

Whilst some consumer watchdogs have condemned the action and have suggested that the policy could backfire on RyanAir and see a significant decline in sales of onboard drinks Keith Wilson points out that refreshments are not the main source of RyanAir's inflight sales profits:

"You know at the end of the flight how the RyanAir Flight Attendants come along with the trolley of Duty-Free aftershave and perfumes? Just think how well those products are going to sell after everyone on board has wet themselves. This might be the most genius manipulation of a captive consumer market in the history of air travel."