|Obama Launches Operation to Locate Plot of Lost Season 6 - February 3rd 2010|
Following the airing of the first episode of the final season of Lost United States President has taken the decision to launch an emergency operation following the shock revelation that all traces of plot development and narrative were missing.
“Last night a great tragedy shocked America,” Obama announced to gathered reporters, “Following months of speculation and rumours that this final season of Lost would be the finest season in the show's history we were presented by an opening episode that lived up to none of the producer's forecasts.
“With that in mind, I have taken the decision to launch an immediate investigation and operation to recover the vital missing elements of plot, character development and logical narrative.”
Mr Obama's initiative has been welcomed by TV critics and casual TV viewers across the world. TV analyst Keith Wilson said the action was definitely required:
“In the final weeks leading up to the new season the producers told us they were not releasing any promotional videos featuring footage from the season because a single frame would give the game away. However, now we have seen the opening episode we know that the real reason that they did not release any promotional video is because it would give away the fact they have run out of ideas.
“What we got was 2 hours of Sawyer bitching at Jack, Jack giving sorrowful and painful expressions to the camera, Kate still making her mind up about which way around she wants Jack and Sawyer in her bed and Hurley having freaky surreal but comical conversations with apparitions. We get it producers, he sees dead people. You established that 2 years ago!”
The general consensus is that the premise seems to have run out of steam as the audience has become accustomed to being shocked by unexpected plot twists. Consequently, anything short of the black smoke monster turning out to be Chuck Norris would fail to excite or intrigue, anything less than Hitler personally torturing a room full of kittens would fail to incite anger and anything less than Sarah Palin being elected President would fail to inspire feelings of hopelessness and global doom.
However, not everyone is disappointed by the opening episode. Dennis Bock, leader of the Lost Alliance of Manic Enthusiasts, defended the opening episodes:
“How dare people question the work of Abrams and Lindelof!” He exclaimed on his blog, “It's part of a much bigger concept. There are so many balls up in the air from other seasons when they all come down together it is going to rain shock and surprise and change the landscape in a way that only the people in Haiti can relate to.
“And how dare people say there is too much Kate time. I can't see how there can ever be a situation other than too little Kate time. Particularly in her jungle outfit when something bad is happening. That's because it always rains when something bad happens. Pathetic Fallacy people. That's how clever this show is.”
Due to Lost fans proving to be even more dedicated and brainwashed into the worshipping of their TV show than Apple fans are of Apple's shiny new products, ABC have opened up a series of Lost Stores across the United States.
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