Peter the Great to get Putinized?

22nd November 2010

A controversial and unpopular statue in Moscow may finally be removed after an artist revealed designs of a replacement guaranteed to win universal appeal with all Russians. The current statue, constructed 13 years ago, depicts Peter the Great and is larger than the Statue of Liberty.

The design for the replacement statue, stands 55 metres tall (183ft), and depicts Russian Prime Minister punching a whale to death.

“There is no doubt that this new statue will resonate with all of Russia,” Professor Keith Wilson, an expert in the field of statues and Russian Politics, explained, “After all, President Putin is extremely popular amongst Russians and it is well known that all Russians hate whales.”

Previously President of Russia, Prime Minister Putin has become an iconic symbol in Russia and is repeatedly being shown hunting wild creatures and defeating able bodied men in unarmed combat in martial arts competitions. It is also claimed that he was part of a secret Russian special forces team that landed on an asteroid destined to hit Earth and successfully destroyed it with a nuclear warhead – but unlike Bruce Willis made it back alive.

As a result of his heroics, Prime Minister Putin has become a legendary figure amongst all Russians. Men want to be him, women want to sleep with him and bears want to be hunted by him. This was famously proven recently when twelve Russian university students posed topless for a 2011 calendar for him.

Some critics have claimed that Mr Putin's popularity is not as great as reported, and that his public image represents an exaggeration of his real activities. They point to the fact that following the release of the topless calendar, six Russian girls released an alternative calendar protesting the Prime Minister.

Professor Keith Wilson disagrees:

“Absolutely not. Prime Minister Putin stands 3 metres tall and can crush a human skull with one hand. If he can do that I have no doubt he can punch a whale to death. What America creates in its fictional action movies Russia creates for real in its politicians.

“As for that protest calendar, excuse me, there were twelve girls in the pro Putin calendar and only six in this so called protest. And only one of those was hot.”