Britney Spears is NOT a Virgin; Men Worldwide Are Now Puzzled Why She Turned Them Down.

9th August 2003

Britney Spears revealed that her constant instance that she was still in possession of her virginity was in actuality, a lie. She confessed that she had previously slept with her former lover, Justin Timberlake.

The result of her announcement has only served to puzzle many men from all over the globe.

“I don’t understand it,” retorted Keith Wilson, “I mean, one minute she’s a virgin, the next minute she’s not. How on earth can that happen? These things take time.”

Following on from this month’s editorial concerning his sex life, Random Perspective Editor Ben Dickson also had much to say on the topic:

“This is all very confusing. I’ve written to Britney on many occasions telling her how much I want to sleep with her. When I received no response to my offers I assumed it was the ‘virginity card’ being played. Her sexual inexperience or something. Or the fact she was saving herself for marriage.

“But now I find out she’s being at it with Mr Timberlake. That’s just got me completely foxed. She’s obviously experienced and isn’t saving herself. So why did she turn me down. It does not make sense.”

Several researchers have mathematically studied the dilemma. University lecturers from Cambridge University concluded:

“We have estimated that about 2 billion people would like to sleep with Miss Spears. Statistical models have shown that on average a woman accepts 1 in every 25 offers with a standard deviation of 15. That means that it is unlikely she would turn down more than 1 in 70 offers. Assuming 1 in 1000 people wrote her a letter it would mean she should have slept with over 28,000 people.

“But she claims to have only slept with just one. How does she explain this inconsistency?”