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>> News > Internet
Man Frustrated At His Inability to Complete Solitaire - September 20th 2003

A local man is finding himself frustrated with his inability to complete one of the World’s most popular Computer Games – the card game Solitaire. Keith Wilson, a man in his early thirties has been playing the game for over 15 years and still has yet to successfully finish the game.

“It’s really troubling me,” Mr Wilson admitted in a world exclusive interview with Random Perspective, “I mean, it’s not like it should be a particularly challenging game – to order all the cards of the same suit on their respective Ace. I have no idea why I am finding it so difficult.”

To begin with, Mr Wilson did not question the fact he had not completed a game, just assuming everyone found it to be a challenging experience. However, after 5 years of failing to finish a game, Mr Wilson began to suspect there might be a problem.

“It was 1993, and the company I worked at upgraded its computer network so everyone in the office has a machine with Windows. Suddenly – everyone was completing Solitaire… except me.

“I was gutted,” Keith admitted to us, “I suddenly realised I was abnormal – I was unable to complete something that everyone else found simple.

“I turned to drink,” he continued sombrely, “But that only served to make me play even worse - so I stopped.

“Two years later, I still had not managed to complete a game – but Windows 95 had just come out so I upgraded my home computer to that hearing rumours that the Windows 95 version of Solitaire was easier to complete but I still found no joy. I took a week off of work just so I could try and complete it. I played 150 back to back games and got no further than getting each pile up to 7.

“I thought it might just be my job, so I quit my £50,000 a year job as a financial advisor and became Factory Operative at a local factory. I figured that spending all my time putting raw chicken into plastic trays would clear my mind so I could focus exclusively on trying to complete the blasted card game.

“I spent years working at that factory and still did not manage to complete a game. By this time I had heard rumours that if you completed a game all the cards appear to fly off of the screen one by one. This is something I have still yet to see.

“Earlier this year I purchased a palmtop computer and guess what – it too had Solitaire on it. The Stylus operated control system certainly made the game simpler to play, however it did not improve my luck.”

At this point, our interviewer ventured a question: “Have you ever tried the game with real cards?”

Mr Wilson seemed somewhat reluctant:

“Real cards?” he mused.

Our Interview produced a deck of cards and dealt them out and Mr Wilson proceeded to complete his first game of Solitaire.

“Wow.” He reacted on completing the game, “Although my life seems a bit pointless now.”

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

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