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>> News > United Kingdom
Labour to Arrest Large Portion of Conservative Voters - November 4th 2003

Is it believed that the Government will push through laws through in time for the next election which will land a large majority of Conservative Voters in jail, meaning they will be unable to vote in the next General Election.

The anti foxhunting bill, which only failed to get made law recently due to an undecided verdict by the House of Lords can still be made law without the consent of the secondary house. The Government can choose to steamroller the law through without the blessing of the Lords, something that many believe is likely to do given the overwhelming majority that voted for the ban.

Foxhunting supporters are vehemently opposed to this new bill and claim they will continue to hunt, even if it means breaking the law. Given the huge turnout of 400,000 people in London protesting against the law this would dramatically increase the country’s prison population. However, many consider this to be an acceptable side effect:

“Anything that puts Conservatives in jail is a good thing.” A Labour back bencher explained, placing a fox hunting ban alongside other great Conservative jail traps like The Daily Star, the paper responsible for putting Jeffery Archer in prison for perjury.

Channel 4 has pointed out that this will undoubtedly raise prison costs exponentially and has instead suggested a method of culling the population in a fair, ironic and above all, entertaining manner:

‘Ultimate Survivor’ would be a new entertainment show that would pit convicted foxhunters against giant genetically modified foxes, capable of crushing a human skull in between its giant jaws.

Channel 5 says that if Channel 4 fails to get the backing for its idea, then Channel 5 will pick up the show, only in its version the contestants will be naked. However, in an effort to ensure fairness it will subject the competitors to a rigorous physical examination, checking they are young, female, blond and up for it. They will also probably replace with the genetically modified foxes with Jacuzzis.

However, the foxhunters are determined for the law to not reach this stage:

“Foxhunting is a great as it keeps me off of the street corners.” Keith Wilson, 8, explained in a slightly rehearsed manner before returning to his home in a Norfolk hamlet of 3 houses, 3 miles from a phone box and 6 from a bus stop.

However, the anti foxhunters were quick to respond with an equal battle of wits:

“Anyone that condones something that promotes gaining pleasure from killing is obviously morally corrupt.” Chuck Hankman telephoned us from work, in the UK Head Office for Marlboro.

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