Iain Duncan Smith Admits Gun Crime Will Rise Under His Vision - October 16th 2003
The Tory Leader, Iain Duncan Smith, admitted today that gun crime, in particular gun related homicides, would rise under a Conservative Government. He did, however, refuse to concede this would be a bad thing.
During a television interview, Mr Duncan Smith revealed his ambition to murder the Prime Minister and felt that as he believed Britain would be better off for him doing so, the law should be changed to enable him to kill Mr Blair without the assassination being illegal.
The proposed law, which would sanction Tory Moral Killings, would cover the deaths of Tony Blair, Fred Barras, Public Services and Socialism. On hearing Mr Duncan Smith's plans Labour immediately claimed to have already dealt with the latter two. A source close to Gordon Brown is believed to have indicated the first one on the Tory leader's list won't be too long to follow.
In order to investigate the situation further, Random Perspective decided to interview the Tory Leader. It should be noted however that although not actually conducted, the Interview is widely considered to be an accurate version of events if the questions were actually posed to Iain Duncan Smith:
Random Perspective: So, Mr Duncan Smith, you wish to shoot Tony Blair?
Iain Duncan Smith: Yes.
RP: So you mean, you wish to end his political career and bring Labour down?
IDS: Well, that too.
RP: That too? When you say shoot Tony Blair presumably you were speaking metaphorically. Surely you didnít mean you actually wanted to get a real gun and shoot him in the head dead?
IDS: I said I wanted to shoot him. I would have thought that made my intentions clear.
RP: Is this an abstract way of saying you are intending on abolishing gun control.
IDS: We would only relax gun control for those individuals with an intention of shooting Tony Blair.
RP: What are your motives for wanting to really actually kill the Prime Minister? Do you not actually believe you could remove him from power using the traditional democratic means?
IDS: Well Oliver Cromwell succeeded Charles I by killing him.
RP: That was in the 17th century. And Charles I was not an elected leader.
RP: I beg your pardon?
IDS: Woof. Woof.
RP: Mr Duncan Smith, will you please stop barking like a dog!
RP: If you have nothing else to say on the matter I will have to terminate this interview.
RP: Right, thatís it. Iím going home.
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