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>> News > Internet
Experts Predict Virginity Auctions to be the Next Big Boom - February 11th 2004

Financial Experts have declared that they believe the next boom in the financial market will be Virginity Auctions held over auction sites like eBay. Following the recent success of a University Student, an 18-year-old lesbian who sold her virginity for £8,400 to pay off her student loans, analysts have predicted a new multi million dollar industry is likely to take off, with virgins of all ages and genders offering prospective buyers the chance to help them lose ‘it’.

The chance of obtaining several thousand pounds for something that costs you nothing of any monetary value is likely to appeal to many attempting to ‘get rich quick’ via the Internet. However experts predict that the opportunity to get cash in the thousands is not likely to last for much longer.

Already, there are many copycat auctions now available on the various auction sites – a 45 year old virgin from Norfolk has started his auction with no reserve, but has added a disclaimer stating that users who are not satisfied will not be refunded.

A 21-year-old female is already attracting several bids, despite not having traditional good looks or even a stunning physique. Experts have put her success down to the “for group use” clause at the bottom of her advert.

More amazingly, a 35-year-old man from London has put himself online for a fixed fee of £500. Although this is substantially lower than the usual multi-thousand pound figure – the seller believes his venture will be far more profitable as he has set up a multi-item auction with 15 ‘items’ up for sale.

If the expected boom takes off, analysts predict it will not be long before major online players like Amazon and Tesco Online start offering cut price virgins on their website for significantly reduced prices. Once these big players enter the market, eBay’s days of virgin trading may come to an end.

The pioneering auction site already has a back up scheme to fight back though. Whilst it cannot match Amazon’s warranty service, or compete with the rigorous quality standard on Tesco’s Finest Range of virgins there is a market that neither online giant will ever match eBay’s success – the Used Virgin market.

“Whilst many people will argue that a second hand virgin is technically not a virgin there are many advantages.” Keith Wilson, a member of eBay’s think tank team explained, “I mean, what’s so great about a virgin anyway? I mean there are so many teething problems, they’re not great on foreplay and they treat the event as if it’s the most important night of their life. I mean, let’s get real here!

“Whilst a used virgin might not match a proper virgin in the cosmetic stakes there are far more gains to be had. As they are run in they will perform much better in the sex department, and there won’t be the irritating teething problems. Plus, as second hand virgins occupy a much bigger proportion of the market the prices will be significantly lower.

“Some street corners in London dwarf the £8,400 fee by offering used virgins for as little as £50 a time – so just imagine how little they’d go for on eBay.”

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

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