Increasing Number of Pet Owners Putting Themselves In Danger - May 1st 2004
The number of pet owners putting themselves in unnecessary danger is increasing dramatically it was revealed yesterday. However, whereas in the past the typical type of danger was to own a dangerous pet such as a deadly snake or a tiger, the reason for the increase has been drastic attempts by pet owners to prove the bravery of their particular pet.
“To be honest I’m rather shocked at the trend,” Pet store owner Keith Wilson revealed in an exclusive interview, “I mean we used to think that anyone that chose to own a Black mamba snake was just plain nuts – but what some pet owners are putting themselves through today makes those guys look positively sane.”
Following the extraordinary story of Lulu the Kangaroo, a kangaroo who won the RSCPA’s Animal Bravery award for saving the life of a farmer, Pet Owners across the globe have become determined to win their pet the exclusive award.
However, some owners are determined to show that Lulu’s attempt at saving a life was fairly mediocre, by significantly raising the expectations of what their animal can achieve.
Chuck Hankman locked himself in his cellar with his six goldfish and proceeded to fake a DIY accident where he put his electric drill through his hand and lost 2 pints of blood.
“I was quite shocked when my goldfish did nothing,” Mr Hankman explained, “I mean I’ve been feeding them for at least 6 months now – you’d think they’d have grown some sort of loyalty for keeping them alive, but no – whilst I was rolling around on my cellar floor in agony they did nothing but swim around a bit.
“There’s no excuse for it, I mean there is 6 of them, one of them could have at least called for an ambulance whilst the other 5 tended to my wounds. I’m just lucky my wife came home early to have an affair with my boss because she thought I was out bowling. If not I would have really been a goner.”
Random Perspective editor Ben Dickson is also amongst the statistics:
“I have long been trying to test my cat’s loyalty towards me by simulating getting hurt. In the end I threw myself down the stairs and twisted my ankle as a result. But when I landed all the damn cat was interested in was being fed. He looked at me a bit funny for jumping down the stairs and hurting myself but he didn’t seem too bothered about it.
“It’s a shame, had my cat managed to get the stupid animal bravery award I could have gained a whole load of publicity for my website from it.”
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