The world is reeling under the realisation that Pope John Paul II has continued his existence and is at present alive. During 2003 people had largely predicted that the elderly head of the Catholic church was getting too old to live and would soon die however this was not the case and the Pope remains to be undead.

Several major news sources had reported that it was likely the Pope was about to die and even discussed contenders to replace him. It had been rumoured that a number of TV companies had been lining up reality TV shows that would take place once the Pope had passed away.

Britain’s Channel 4 had planned to do a special edition of ‘Faking It’ where a devout atheist would attempt to pass as the new Pope for a period of 2 weeks; Fox had planned to do a one off program called ‘Pope Wars’ where several religious clergy men battled it out in various arenas from Mud Wrestling to Kick Boxing. However news of the Pope’s continuing existence put an end to all these plans.

“Following the unfortunate news that the Pope is still alive,” Fox spokesperson Chuck Hankman announced, “Fox has been forced to put an end to its proposed Pope Wars program. However, the contenders are still signed up and will be taking part in an alternative series called ‘Porn Wars’ – the show will be largely identical however the prize to be Pope will be replaced with a career to be a pornography superstar.”

Not everyone was upset by the news, on hearing the news university drop out Keith Wilson from the United Kingdom sent us his views:

“Wow, I hear the Pope is undead. Does that mean he’s like a zombie? Is his mind dead but his body alive, that would be so cool. I might actually start going to church if they replaced all their ministers with zombies. People might say that they’d be inappropriate in churches but hey, they’d be right at home in graveyards.”