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>> News > United Kingdom
Beckhams’ Third Child to be Named Durex - August 29th 2004

David and Victoria Beckham have revealed that their third child is to be called Durex ending the tabloid speculation over possible names the couple could use. The name comes as part of a multi million dollar sponsorship deal inspired by Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to name their child Apple.

Martin and Paltrow raised eyebrows when naming their child, as it infringed on the copyrights of both the Apple computer manufacturer and Apple recording label. The resulting media coverage caught the attention of marketing departments across the globe – and given their high profile in the UK, the Beckhams’ third child was seen as the ultimate celebrity child to sponsor.

The Beckham’s have raised eyebrows with their choice of names, as well as the profile of the origin. They named their first child Brooklyn – after the bridge it was conceived on – leading to many Manchester United fans and American Tourists into scouring London looking for it and eventually complaining to the authors of the London A-Z for not including it as they couldn’t find it.

They named their second child Romeo – after the Italian car manufacturer. They were going to drop the name entirely after they discovered calling their second child ‘Alfa’ would probably confuse people however their PR advised explained naming it Romeo would lead people into thinking they had read books – or at least seen an interpretation of the Shakespearian play. Hours after announcement of the name of their second child, the book retailer Waterstones announced a 40,000% increase in the sales of Romeo and Juliet to football hooligans and a 650,000% increase to former Spice Girls fans.

Consequently, the bidding over the name for the name of the third child was intense. Mazda were interested in naming it MX-5 after their 2 seater sports car; Bacardi were were interested in naming it after their Bacardi Breezer drink; and Marlboro – although interested – were forced to pull out after EU regulations on tobacco sponsorship prohibited them from taking part.

After winning the contract Durex, the condom manufacturer, explained that once the child was born, Beckham was going to get a huge “Durex” tattoo across his chest in their font and that when the child gets his first hair cut, he will have the logo shaved into back of his head. Also, once the child enters adolescence he will contractually bound not to impregnate any of his girlfriends or other sexual conquests in order to promote the strength of the brand.

The contract also states that on the unlikely occasion that he does impregnate one of his sexual partners his parents will be forced to pay back 25% of the sponsorship agreement and Durex Beckham must stand up in court and insist that he used the condoms provided by his girlfriend – which were manufactured by Durex’s strongest rival.

David Beckham Outside Mansion
David Beckham, in his recently acquired suit fabricated from moon rock, displays his new durex tatoo outside his new gold mansion built by specially trained chimps. He explained "The banks told me they didn't have any more room in their vaults for all my money acquired through sponsorship so I had to spend it on something."

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

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