Custom Search
News
International
United Kingdom
United States
Sport
Entertainment
Internet
Science / Tech

Features
Articles
Notices
Editorial
Submissions

2010
January

The Dark Age
Nov 06 - Dec 09

2006
October
September
April
March
February
January

2005
December
October
September
May
April
February
January

2004
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2003
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2002
December
November




Hosted by
2f3 Internet

More Humour
BBspot
The Bentinel
Big Fib
Broken Newz
The Daily Bull
Deadbrain UK
Deadbrain US
Faux Newz
The Fake News
Glossy News
The Hammer
I-Mockery
KTAB News
Muskrat News
News Hax
No Apologies Press
On The John
Perplexing Times
Rant Morgan
Satirium
Social Scrutiny
The Specious Report
Studio 8
The Toque
Trepanning
US Press
The Voice of Reason UK
The Voice of Reason US
Watley Review
Weekly Canard

Music Sites
Sonar Radar
BeatEd.com
Green Plastic
No Through Road
>> News > International News
United Nations to Outlaw Vegetarianism in New Environmental Guidelines - September 11th 2004

The United Nations is set to outlaw vegetarianism in new environmental guidelines expected to be released in the next few weeks. The radical proposal is based on shocking new evidence that vegetarians are responsible to contributing to global warming.

“The evidence is incontrovertible,” leading UN researcher Keith Wilson explained, “As most people are aware, the increase of Carbon Dioxide levels is largely responsible for the global warming effect, and by not eating meat vegetarians are responsible for raising these levels higher than they otherwise would be.”

Animals convert oxygen into carbon dioxide whilst breathing and plants convert carbon dioxide back into oxygen through photosynthesis. In order to reduce carbon dioxide levels the proportion of animals to plants needs to be reduced.

“By not eating meat, vegetarians are ensuring that the proportion of animals to plants is being increased.” Keith Wilson continued, “And the fact they eat more plants to compensate this only makes the situation even worse.

“In fact, its not just vegetarianism we are targeting. Nations with bans on hunting are going to be forced to withdraw their laws and we are revising driving guidelines that suggest you hit that fox if it runs in front of your car.”

Vegetarians and Animal rights protesters across the globe have criticised the decision claiming that there are far more effective ways of reducing Carbon Dioxide levels, such as controlling emissions and the saving of the rain forest. However the United States representative dismissed the suggestion as ‘ludicrous and completely impracticable.’

If brought into effect the new laws will demand that each human being consume at least one animal a day until a reduction in Carbon Dioxide levels are reduced. Rural schools are also expected to see their traditional sports lessons of football replaced with deer hunting and 8 year olds will be encouraged to pull as many wings as possible off of helpless flies.

As for impoverished nations that are unable to provide one animal per day for food, there was an easy alternative:

“Cannibalism!” Keith Wilson explained, “Now I know traditionally it’s a big no-no but think about it – humans are responsible for the increases in carbon dioxide levels more than any other creature on earth. I expect if you ate one human that would save more carbon dioxide than eating twenty whales, or a herd of cows.”

Click to share this page on:
Disclaimer: Random Perspective accepts no responsibility for your believing of anything on this website.

The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

IMPORTANT: If you do not appreciate or understand this article please consult your doctor as your right ventromedial prefrontal cortex is impaired.
Latest News
Fishla announce World's first humanoid Robot Chef

Conservatives to increase Public Service praise by 200%

Shocking Image Confirms UKIP's Claims That Immigration Has Left Parts of Britain Unrecognisable

Santa Unveils Drone Fleet To Revolutionize Christmas Present Delivery in 2013

British and American Government Reach Consensus on Math vs Maths Debate



Related Articles
Discovery Of Three Headed Frog Increases Demand For 3 Headed Pets

Scientists Declare World’s Oldest Big Mac “Inedible”

Starving Child in Africa Volunteers to Trade Places with David Blaine

US Government Blames Fund Raising for World Water Problems

Random Perspective Forum to Replace United Nations









Do you like this website?
Please let me know your opinions by emailing me or contacting me via MSN on BenDickson@Hotmail.com

Random Perspective: News, Satire and Humour.
Random Stuff for those who read this far: Oak Worktops and Walnut Worktops, Bespoke Designer Kitchens, Fruit Videos, FruitVideos Blog, Norfolk Wedding Photography, and Lowestoft Estate Agent