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>> News > United Kingdom
Tony Blair to Stand Down as Prime Minister; Tony Blair 2.0 to Take Over - July 12th 2004

After months of speculation, Tony Blair finally conceded he had become a liability to Labour’s future and announced his decision to stand down as leader of the Labour Party, and Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

“The truth is, I have realised my damaging position for many weeks now.” The Prime Minister admitted, “However, it has been necessary for me continue in my role whilst my replacement was being prepared.”

As Mr Blair completed his sentence, the curtain behind him was pulled back, revealing a much younger man who appeared to look like Mr Blair 7 years ago. Mr Blair stepped back, allowing the younger man to step up to the podium:

“I would like to first thank the Prime Minister for allowing me this opportunity to succeed him as Prime Minister.” He began before letting out a mild laugh, “I am sure a lot of you are wondering who I am. Well, I am Tony Blair 2.0 – a younger, updated and ultimately better version of the outgoing Prime Minister.”

Tony Blair greets Tony Blair 2.0
The departing Tony Blair (Left) shakes hands with the younger Blair 2.0 (right)

Labour Party officials explained they began work on the updated version of Mr Blair when it became obvious that the existing Blair had serious security flaws. There were several attempts to patch the damage – several attempts to completely remove the Mandelson virus were ineffective and the late effort to get rid of the Alistair Campbell Trojan did little to inspire the confidence of potential voters.

When asked how they were able to create a fully grown Prime Minister, on the verge of middle age, so quickly the Labour Party explained that after cloning Mr Blair they triggered his rapid aging gene early:

“If you look at Mr Blair, he has aged nearly 30 years since taking office 7 years ago.” Labour Scientist Keith Wilson explained, “By triggering the gene responsible whilst Mr Blair was still a foetus, we were able to see him be born in 3 weeks, ride a bike by 6 weeks, and – perhaps more amazingly – perform amazing U-turns in less than 2 months. He’s already out performing the previous version in that respect.”

It had been widely expected that Gordon Brown would succeed Tony Blair as Prime Minister however the Labour Party was quick to justify its decision not to appoint the Chancellor:

“At the end of the day the Chancellor is a very efficient and reliable member of Parliament who has probably had the most successful career since the Labour Party came to power. However Apple’s OSX is also extremely reliable… but more people will still buy the next version of Windows.”

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