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>> News > United Kingdom
Michael Howard Sacked as Tory Leader After Denying He is a Vampire - November 14th 2004

The Conservative Party leader has been forced to step down after it emerged he had denied allegations he is a vampire. However, after extensive analysis of his DNA, Tory officials discovered that Mr Howard has all the necessary genes to be genetically classified as a vampire. In line with the recent dismissal of their Shadow Cabinet Minister Boris Johnson, the Tory Leader has been asked to step down with immediate effect.

“I must make this quite clear,” Shadow Cabinet member Michael Ancram stated in a press release, “Mr Howard is not being fired because he is a vampire, but because he denied it and it was later discovered he was not telling the truth.”

The move has angered several Liberal groups, not only on grounds that the decision to fire Mr Howard could be construed as ‘anti-vampire’ but also because there is now a chance the Conservatives could elect a competent leader.

The decision , though, does not come to a surprise to political commentators, such as Chuck Hankman:

“It’s hardly unexpected,” he explained, “The Tories just fired their most popular and well known politician the other day. That made any other member’s position – particular Michael Howard’s – less secure than ever.”

On the fact that Michael Howard had been exposed as a vampire he added:

“Well it certainly explains why when he went to the hospital to give blood their supplies seemed to become mysteriously diminished.”

The Tory’s decision to try and cut corruption from the party has met with fierce criticism with long serving Conservative backbenchers:

“Who does Michael Howard think he is?” Tory MP Keith Wilson protested, “He seems to be acting like Tony Blair did, reforming the party into ‘New Conservatives.’ Corruption is a part of Tory tradition and I see no way, or reason, to change that.”

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