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>> News > United Kingdom
Legalised Prostitution – Random Perspective Asks the Important Questions - January 17th 2006

The Home Office revealed plans today to legalise small scale brothels. It is hoped that by legalising small scale operations – it will enable woman in the trade to have greater protection from the large, gang organised brothels which sees many women forced to work as prostitutes, take drugs and in some cases get raped.

The Government says it is aware that slowly decriminalising prostitution is a controversial plan, and is fully prepared for a negative reaction from certain sectors of the media. But the fact is, prostitution and its effect on society is a serious issue and consequently Random Perspective has prepared a set of answers to some of the more frequently expected questions:

Under the new laws, how many staff may work at the new brothels?
Three staff may work at a brothel under the new guidelines. Two prostitutes and a maid. This has led many people to believe that only two women may entertain at any one time – this is untrue. The law defines a prostitute as a person who gives sex in exchange for direct payment. If such a three person operation were to offer a “Buy two get a free maid fetish session.” then the maid would be able to entertain at the same time – as her services would be being given in exchange for nothing.

Where are the new brothels likely to be?
Whilst no major corporation has yet announced plans to build brand named brothel centres around the country, the new entrepreneurial style guidelines mean it is unlikely to be too long. Whether an existing chain expands in to legalised prostitution – or a new one establishes itself it is not believed to be too long before each corner is adorned with a house of 24/7 pleasure.

How much is this likely to cost?
Due to a lack of any major corporate response to the recent developments, no pricing guidelines were made available to journalists – however it is believed that initially services will be slightly more expensive than the traditional illegal brothels. This is due to increased legislation that potential law-abiding prostitutes will have to adhere to. However, after about 18 months of operations industrial analysts predict that a bitter price war will kick off driving prices down to such an extent that only the consumer can benefit. This is widely seen to be a good thing as it means that those using the services get better value for money and stops those offering them from taking their trade for granted.

I am a 16 year old girl who has just been kicked out of my house by my alcoholic mother. Is there a pamphlet available from the Government giving me tips and guidelines for setting up my own brothel in order for me to earn enough to live on?
Whilst no such pamphlet has been announced, it is highly unlikely that any new initiative launched by the Government would not be supplemented by relevant documentation – particularly one that presents such a huge potential for entrepreneurs. Expect a website up soon.

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

IMPORTANT: If you do not appreciate or understand this article please consult your doctor as your right ventromedial prefrontal cortex is impaired.
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