Blair Announces He Will Quit Within One “Blair”-Year

7th October 2006

Following mounting pressure from party members to set a deadline for his departure from Number 10, British Prime Minister Tony Blair has finally revealed that it will take place within a year.

Whilst many of those hoping for a speedy exit quickly declaring the Prime Minister would be gone within 12 months, Blair’s aides were quick to point out that when he had said one year – he had actually meant to specify a “Blair”-Year.

“It’s quite a simple confusion for people to make,” Keith Wilson, a spokesperson for the Government explained, “The people who have stated the Prime Minister will be gone within 12 months have assumed Mr Blair meant he would be gone within a Julian year. This is simply not the case – whilst a Julian year might be adequate for the average man in the street Mr Blair is the Prime Minister of one of the world’s most powerful nations, it is therefore completely reasonable that he should have a year catered to suit his extraordinary needs.”

Whilst this argument has served to confuse a great deal of people, and annoy those that it did not confuse, Mr Wilson went on to explain that many things had their own year:

“Mars, for example, has a year that is nearly twice as long as the Julian year. Had Mr Blair chosen to stand down within one Plutonian year – well that’s over 90,000 days long, let’s just say that those calling for his departure should be grateful he settled for a “Blair”-year.

“Whilst researching this topic I came across something called a Man-year. It had something to do with working out the amount of work involved in a large project. I asked my friend who helps manage the construction of the new Wembley Stadium to explain it to me but he said he had absolutely no understanding of it.”

When asked to go into more precise details as to exactly how long a “Blair”-year would last, Mr Wilson stated that the Prime Minister had been nothing but unambiguous in his departure schedule. Given that the Prime Minister promised to serve “a full third term” to the electorate in 2005 it is only fair to assume that in order to meet both that and his more recent promise that a “Blair”-year must be at least 1,000 days, otherwise the Labour party would be committing to two conflicting policies that would be impossible to deliver.