British Public: Jade Goody Deserves her Millions of Pounds

17th January 2007

Big Brother Contestant Jade Goody is deserving of her millions of pounds the British Public has decided. Goody, after leaping into the public spotlight for her ignorance and general stupidity, has earned her celebrity status through her innate ability to make millions of people laugh through her lack of knowledge and social awareness.

Following her first appearance on the show, responsible for her rise to stardom, the British public decided that the fact that she thought the English region of East Anglia was a foreign country and that Greece had its own moon made her fit to be a role model for aspiring children and meant she should be entitled to a comfortable lifestyle and should earn hundreds of thousands of pounds.

British person Keith Wilson explained why:

“Jade Goody is a hideous human being – she is ugly, overweight, uneducated, unintelligent, uninformed, xenophobic, ignorant... basically she is a perfect example of a typical British woman. Most nations around the world elevate their beautiful and/or intelligent people to celebrity status. In Britain we should be proud we have chosen to elevate someone who is typical of most British people... we should be proud of our honesty.”

Jade Goody is currently participating in Celebrity Big Brother where she is currently bullying and ridiculing a fellow contestant based on her foreign background, her foreign accent and her foreign lifestyle. Whilst many have called this behaviour racism Channel 4 have explained the behaviour is not racist, it is simply girly rivalry – a critical aspect of the show's appeal:

“At the end of the day Jade is not being racist, she is just being Jade.” Channel 4 spokesperson Chuck Hankman stated, “I bet that if Shilpa Shetty was German that Jade would be making Nazi salutes and calling her Hitler. If she was a Muslim she would probably be calling her Al-Qaeda. It's just Jade being Jade.”

Following the alleged incident of racism, the British public have shown their support of Goody's antics by dramatically increasing the show's viewing figures:

“It just goes to show that the British public are in favour of racism,” Typical British person Keith Wilson added, “If they didn't think the Indians were deserving of a little criticism when it comes to their ability to cook, their hygiene or their skin colour.

“What clinches the British support of racism is the fact they would much rather that the millions of pounds needed to finance the TV show went to Jade Goody and her family rather than British OAPs who are freezing to death due to a lack of money to finance their winter heating. At the end of the day, seeing a typically stupid British person display typical British ignorance on TV is more essential to society.”