Britain Flocks to See 17 Year Old Boy's Penis

6th February 2007

LONDON: In less than 2 weeks times, the long awaited return of the 1973 play 'Equus' returns to London's West End. The play, which depicts the story of a psychiatrist who attempts to treat a stable who has a sexual fascination with the horses under his care, shocked theatre-goers in the 1970s when it was first released for the gratuitous nudity and shocking imagery it depicted.

The return of Equus to the West End made headline news last year when it was revealed that Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe was the play the part of Alan Strang – the stable boy – and the part would involve at least one full frontal nudity scene. When this news became public, interest in the play's return grew considerably.

“To be honest, when we cast Daniel as Alan Strang we did expect his celebrity status to increase interest in the production,” spokesperson Keith Wilson revealed, “However, at first, when we simply stated we were intending on making a production with Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe in 2007 the response was relatively muted.

“However, when we released the full details – specifically which play he was involved in, and the fact he'd be walking around fully nude in some scenes – suddenly our ticket line was inundated with requests... it's like nothing I've ever seen.”

Long time Harry Potter fan Chuck Hankman (aged 46) explained why he was planning on seeing the production multiple times:

“Let's just put it like this,” He chuckled to himself, “When Mr Wilson said it was like 'nothing he'd ever seen' I don't think he was talking about the response if you know what I mean... let's just say that the magic Harry Potter's new wand will be casting is not something I get as often when watching the Harry Potter movies.”

Younger Harry Potter fans had mixed feelings regarding the star's new role:

“Harry Potter has sex... with a horse?” one confused 8 year old fan explained, “This confirms my suspicions he is an Animagus after all – I am so excited about all this.”

“I don't think it's right that Harry Potter should be doing this,” another young fan cried, “I know that Dumbledore's death hit him hard, but I don't think it would drive him to zoophilia. I didn't even know what zoophilia was until I found out about his new play. Now, thanks to Daniel's new role and Wikipedia I know all about it. I also found out it's illegal in this country which mean that Harry is going to go to prison and that's something I also don't want to happen.”

Despite the criticism of the main star of the most popular children's franchise in the world taking the starring role in a sexuality explicit, controversial, highly publicised West End play – spokesperson Keith Wilson was quick to defend the star's decision:

“At the end of the day, Daniel has only been associated with Harry Potter. Now, if he was to get to the end of the franchise and have only ever played Harry Potter he would have become typecast. He would have been Britain's next Hugh Grant – only instead of specializing in mundane, feelgood romantic comedies – he would have specialized in playing teenage wizards. And unlike romantic comedies, teenage wizarding roles rarely crop up and he's never going to land the part once he turns 30... well definitely not when he's 40 anyway.

“What Daniel is doing by playing a guy who goes around pleasuring himself with horses is that he can play the exact opposite role to the one he's associated with – and if he can do that he can surely do every other type of role in between which proves he's a really versatile actor.

“As for the claims he's making children aware of adult themed entertainment – Equus is a critically acclaimed, high brow production. Isn't our problem with kids today that the only books they are reading are popularist, franchised garbage? Is it really that bad that we are getting them interested in something a little more sophisticated?”