World Laughs as Stupid Pretty Girl Suffers Mental Breakdown - February 27th 2007
The General Public found itself in hysterics recently when a pretty blonde woman finally cracked after two years of teetering on the brink. Whilst, as a collective, the General Public was unable to comment – individuals representing the whole were able to explain their laughter:
“It's strange,” General Public member Keith Wilson joked, “When you put it like that it does seem odd that we should be laughing. I mean, for a 25 year old woman to shave her head and walk around bald, I mean she's obviously gone nuts. But come on, it's funny! It's hilarious – why shouldn't we laugh, I mean, it's not like it's our fault is it?”
Media Empire Chief Chuck Hankman was quick to agree:
“For years, she has been the centre of all our headlines. She's helped us sell loads of newspapers. I mean, can you remember when she went commando to that party and we published all those photographs? No one suspected that she was cracking up then. Or that time she got married for 55 hours... that was perfectly normal which is why it made headline news.
“I mean, it's not like she started out as a 12 year old girl who just wanted to appear on a the Mickey Mouse show is it? She was fully prepared to make all these decisions, it's not like she's stepped on a rollercoaster she wasn't tall enough to ride safely.”
Keith Wilson was quick to reinforce Chuck Hankman's position:
“It's not our fault that she's pretty, we had no part in that. So she shouldn't be surprised that we're constantly searching Google for her naked, or that the paparazzi are constantly trying to take pictures of her sunbathing – or that we jerk off to pictures of her head photoshopped in to scenes from various Hardcore Lesbian Porn sequences – it's only natural that this sort of thing takes place. It's her responsibility to deal with it.
“I mean, it's not like she's unhappy is it? She's got loads of money. She'll pull through it all... and the hair will grow back....
“Just like her virginity did after Justin Timberlake stole it!” He joked, before ending the interview, “Sorry – I couldn't help myself.”
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