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>> News > Science and Technology
Steve Jobs Spotted In Venezuela On Eve Of iSlate Launch - January 26th 2010

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has been spotted by a pair of Apple fans ordering a coffee in the Venezuelan capital city Caracas. The spotting came as a shock to the couple who had been making preparations to spend tomorrow alone in their hotel room, with the curtains drawn and their room wifi service fully subscribed in order to watch the highly anticipated launch of the Apple tablet computer, commonly referred to by Apple fan sites as the ‘iSlate’.

“My girlfriend and I were waiting in line to buy a latte when she suddenly grabbed my arm and pointed out this beardy man ahead of us in the queue ordering a frappuccino.” Apple blogger Keith Wilson told us excitedly, “Normally hairy men disgust me because they are not slick and smooth and sexy, but I instantly recognised the Steve Jobs features behind the beard.

“Once my excitement died down, I got kind of confused. I thought – isn’t he meant to be in San Francisco tomorrow to get us all super excited when he reveals his new iWad?”

Keith informed us he was desperate for an answer that he tried to approach Apple’s CEO and get his phone number.

“Unfortunately he left before I could get to him,” he admitted, “There were at least a dozen small children between me and him and I could only shove so many to the floor before I started tripping over them. However it is probably for the best – I mean what would I put him under in my phonebook? I already have my girlfriend down as Steve Jobs because after all my Apple hardware she is the thing that I come closest to loving compared to Steve himself.”

Steve Jobs Wheel
Rather predictably, without makeup, Steve Jobs has an iPod style wheel integrated into his forehead. It is unknown whether or not he has a shake-to-shuffle feature though.

Whilst Mr Wilson’s attempt to track down Steve Jobs failed, Random Perspective reporter Dennis Bock was able to intercept Mr Jobs when he spotted him in the street swearing at his cellphone for being unable to run Facebook and last.fm at the same time. He agreed to sit down for an informal interview so long as we did not reveal his exact whereabouts.

“Of course I have run to Venezuela!” he laughed when asked, “I mean, have you seen the hype about the iSlate? You know, I don’t think if we had announced the relaunch of iJesus we would have got this much publicity.

“And seriously, iSlate? Who came up with this? I have been paying the marketing department millions of dollars a year to come up with cool names for products and the press thinks we are going to call it the iSlate, iTab, iPad, iTablet. Seriously... seriously? Anything less than the iGasm would fall short of my expectations.”

When pointed out he had still failed to explain his sudden relocation to Venezuela Mr Jobs once again laughed before saying:

“According to the Coen Brothers, Venezuela doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the United States. It was the nearest place I could get a quick plane ticket too... I even felt like George Clooney boarding the plane, only with far more people in love with me.

“Anyone with half a mind knows there is no way that anything as awesome as the iGasm can be created by mortal man. Or even by me. Unless we knock Jupiter out of its orbit to collide with Saturn I don’t think tomorrow would manage to live up to people’s expectations.”

He reflected a minute before laughing again:

“Actually, Saturn does look a lot like the Internet Explorer logo. Perhaps I should get my guys to look into doing that anyway.”

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

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