Voters are Unsatisfied with Tony Blair’s Performance

24th October 2003

It was revealed today that voters around the United Kingdom have voiced their dissatisfaction with Prime Minister Tony Blair’s performance. It seems that most people find that their leader does not reach the expectations they have come to expect as standard.

Keith Wilson, a leading expert, was quoted as saying: “Mr Blair’s performance is simply appalling. Even when compared to a budget family hatch he is simply left in the shade.”

Mr Wilson then went on to compare the PM to a variety of alternatives:

“The McLaren F1 manages a 0-60 time of about 3 seconds. A small family hatch does in 12-15 seconds whereas Mr Blair cannot even reach 60mph. The fastest he can get up to in that time is 20mph at best. And to do that he would have to remove all of his trim.

“Moving to a standing quarter mile and again the PM is simply pathetic. The McLaren F1 does it in 11.1 seconds, a family hatch will manage it in about 19-20 seconds. Mr Blair would achieve the quarter mile in a 70-80seconds at best. Most cars would have already got to their destination in that time. To be honest, the only place where Mr Blair’s quarter mile performance would be more than adequate would be on the M25 at rush hour.

“But it’s not just speed that Blair falls down on, he doesn’t have any cup holders. He can only take one passenger, which significantly affects his performance and whilst he hasn’t been crash tested he is unlikely to offer any kind of protection as he has no airbags or seatbelts.”