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>> News > United Kingdom
International Human Rights Laws Prevent Planned Asylum Seeker Selling Policy - September 25th 2003

Tony Blair was confronted with more bad news today when his popular “Asylum Seeker Selling” Policy was declared illegal by an International Court. Mr Blair had hoped to regain public support on the issue of asylum seekers, a topic which has attracted widespread criticism from the opposition party and the tabloids.

Mr Blair had had the revolutionary idea of regaining the money spent on processing Asylum Seekers by selling them in government outlets for the purposes of labour. Companies in desperate supply of a workforce could purchase the asylum seekers for a price dependant on size, physical fitness and odour and work them 16 hours a day without pay, but for the privilege of staying in the United Kingdom.

Unfortunately, despite huge public support and a positive reaction in the tabloids further woes were brought Mr Blair’s way when the Internation Court of Human Rights claimed it was a severe breach, tantamount to slavery.

When Mr Blair queried their statement about his proposal being ‘Tantamount to Slavery’ the Human Rights Committee retracted their original statement and issued a new one: “It is Slavery.”

In other news, Gordon Brown was seen in a local branch of Ikea. He was buying furniture for when he moves into his new house. It is rumoured he told employees that his new hour was ‘Just down the road… it might even be next door.”

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