|Latest Police Figures Show Tramp Bashing Up by 100% - September 16th 2003|
The Government has released figures today showing a sharp increase in amount of Tramp Bashing undertaken by Police Officers. The figures come after years of criticism of Labour not keeping to their promises to cut crime nationwide.
“These figures certainly show a sharp increase in Police Activity,” The Chief Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police acknowledged, “Ever since the legalisation of Tramp Bashing our officers have had their work cut out for them. It’s been extremely hectic for them, but they have ensured that no tramp has been left unbashed.
“But it’s not just resulted in an increase of Police activity – but Police negligence has dropped too. The number of charges of assault brought again Police Officers has significantly dropped. It looks like Police brutality could finally be a thing of the past.”
The Tories were quick to condemn the figures claiming they did not go far enough:
“The fact that Tramp Bashing figures are up surely shows that there is an epidemic. Labour should take steps to introduce more police to ensure that this is dealt with. We also suggest that Drunk bashing, Goth bashing, and Boy Racer bashing schemes are implemented nationwide.”
Labour responded by announcing their decision to set up special ‘Tramp-basher’ units that can quickly be deployed to areas containing large numbers of tramps. Armed only with trugeons and pepper sprays the units will be specially trained to bash as many tramps or odorous people as possible.
The Conservatives say when elected they will develop a special Bash Camera, which will randomly bash members of the public that it detects as being tramps. They will campaign again the presence of these cameras once Labour have regained power as part of their re-election campaign.
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