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>> News > Science and Technology
Random Perspective Editor Invents Time Machine and Travels 2 months Into The Future - January 4th 2004

Random Perspective Editor Ben Dickson has successfully tested the World’s First Time Machine, transporting himself 2 months into the future.

“It was an amazing feeling,” he spoke after travelling 62 days in 7 seconds, “8 seconds ago I was back in early November. Now it’s 2004!”

The achievement, which makes Ben Dickson the most successful scientist in the history of mankind was not without its sacrifices. Making the trip when he did meant that Ben missed out on his 21st Birthday, Christmas and the New Year’s celebrations.

“I’ve been told my 21st party was quite a spectacular bash.” Ben mused, “Although techinically I’m still not 21, I’m only seven seconds older than I was before I entered the device.”

As for Christmas and New Years Ben was more philosophical, “It was a pity to miss out on Christmas this year, but as I didn’t send any the few I received by those unaware I was travelling through time meant that I actually performed well on the 2003 Christmas Card Exchange Rate.”

Scientists around the world were all intrigued by the device, which despite only being able to travel forwards through time is still considered a fantastic achievement. Other scientists are more sceptical saying there is no actual proof that Ben Dickson has travelled forwards through time. They say he could have been drunk, asleep or even on a remote island in the Caribbean. Other less likely possibilities such as ‘busy at some job he might actually do for a living’ were also suggested but dismissed as less likely than the proposed Time Travelling reason.

Meanwhile, Ben realised that before entering the time machine he had forgotten to take care of something that entertained many people from all over the world with it’s unique insight into life and current affairs:

“Oh Sh*t!” Ben exclaimed, “I forgot to record the Simpsons.”

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

IMPORTANT: If you do not appreciate or understand this article please consult your doctor as your right ventromedial prefrontal cortex is impaired.
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