Princess Anne’s Dog Reveals Tormented Past To Canine Psychologist

4th January 2004

Following a spate of attacks, the Royal Family has decided to enlist the services of a Canine Psychologist to try and rectify the dog’s apparent ruthless and unprovoked behaviour.

Many have criticised the move, claiming that the dog should be destroyed for attacking innocent passers by, however Princess Anne rejects these claims:

“It’s interesting how all of a sudden people start labelling ‘violent’ and ‘unprovoked’ or ‘innocent’ and ‘victim’ to various parties in the situation. I mean, who’s to say that it was Florence made the first move? The Queen’s corgis are always yapping what are probably dog obscenities, and I’m sure the maid at Sandringham could be quite vicious. Nobody’s asked why she secretly entered a room alone which happened to contain my poor defenceless dog.”

However, despite being at the forefront of the campaign to clear Florence’s name, Princess Anne has decided that in order to appease the parties involved she would take Florence to see a Canine Psychologist to establish if there was any deep rooted psychological problem with the Princess’s terrier.

After an initial period of nearly 3 hours with the animal, Psychologist Keith Wilson announced that Florence did indeed have many psychological problems and said he would have to spend time with her to rectify the troubles.

When asked how he was aware of Florence’s problems, Keith Wilson – who is paid an hourly rate – took no time to explain:

“There are many signs of Florence’s deep rooted syndromes. Take for example the large claw marks which have torn away the bottom of the left leg of my trousers, that’s down to a fear of feet.

“The open bloody wound on my right kneecap – that shows her long term resentment towards other dogs. And this huge bite mark very near to my groin… that’s sexual frustration.”

When asked why he needed to spend any more time with the dog after uncovering so many problems, Mr Wilson was quick to respond.

“It’s all down to the details. Anyway, it’s probably all the fault of her husband.” He said before getting into his recently acquired Aston Martin and setting off to his new Private Yacht presently moored in Monaco.