Scientists Declare World’s Oldest Big Mac “Inedible”

5th November 2003

Following the discover of an entire Big Mac made in 1973, Scientists tasked with researching the burger have determined that it is ‘inedible.’ The Big Mac, found by Keith Wilson a factory operative from Norfolk, had spend the last 30 years down the back of Mr Wilson’s sofa in his apartment, still in its polystyrene container.

“I don’t actually remember buying this particular Big Mac,” Mr Wilson admits, “I might have been drunk at the time but quite how it slipped down the back of my sofa I am not quite sure. The discovery of it certainly explains that smell I’ve been worrying about since 1978.”

The Big Mac was discovered when Mr Wilson finally decided to look for his mobile phone he had been missing for nearly 4 days. He decided to ring the device and found it too had fallen down the back of his sofa. When routing around for it Mr Wilson pulled the 30-year-old burger and immediately contacted a nearby University.

Mr Wilson was surprised with the University’s interest in his find:

“I figured that Cambridge University would be able to tell me whether it was ok to still eat the thing or whether I had to take it to some toxic waste dump but they insisted I brought it over to them to conduct tests.”

The University spent two weeks analysing Mr Wilson’s Big Mac and at the end of their tests declared the burger inedible and unsafe to eat without endangering your health. This test though, they explained, yielded no different results to tests conducted on fresh Big Macs.