George Bush to Build Bridge to the Moon

9th January 2004

George W. Bush has revealed ambitious plans to construct the world’s largest suspension bridge, between Florida and the Moon, in an effort to make his proposed Moon colony far more accessible.

The bridge, 384,000 kilometres in length, would be nearly 200,000 times longer than the world’s existing longest bridge – the Akashi-Kaikyo in Japan. The engineers responsible for designing the Japanese bridge argue that as less than 1% of George W. Bush’s Moon Bridge would actually count as being on Earth, it should be disqualified from taking the record.

President Bush’s reason for wanting to construct the bridge is to aid with the development of the moon as a viable tourist resort. As trips into space via spacecraft cost millions of dollars it was Mr Bush’s intention to allow the public access to the Moon via the automobile.

Critics were quick to point out that several changes to the law would be required – such as a significant raising of the standard speed limit of 55mph as it would take 5 years of constant driving at that speed to get there. Also, with most vehicles having a lifespan of approximately 300,000 kilometres most tourists would have to replace their car on arriving just to make the return trip.

Mr Bush says all this will only serve to aid the US economy, as he intends to hand out lunar retail licenses exclusively to US car manufacturers.