|Student Complains that Quidditch is not on School’s Curriculum - May 22nd 2003|
After searching the UK for the reputedly “best sports college” in the country, student Keith Wilson was shocked to discover after joining that it did not offer his favourite sport of “Quidditch”
“It’s ridiculous,” he argued, “They claim to be the best sports college in the country. They offer Tiddlywinks and Fat-kid-bashing. But no Quidditch.”
When complaining to the school’s governing body he dismissed their claims it was a fictious game that only existed in the Harry Potter universe created by author J. K. Rowling.
“How can it not exist?” he asked, “I mean, it is the king of all sports. It has action, tactics, technology and excitement. Most other sports are lucky to fulfil just 2 of those criteria.”
He went on to display the Quidditch gear he had purchased specially for joining the college.
“Coming from a rural area, “ he explained, “There wasn’t a Quidditch specialist in the area. So I purchased a regular broom and spent £4000 getting it aerodynamically tested in a Formula 1 wind tunnel. They’ve told me that it’s now more streamlined than a banana.
“I also got this parachute in case I fall off whilst learning to fly – or if anyone plays dirty – and this survival guide for Muggles. I’m not a wizard so will need this if we ever play Hogwarts.”
On hearing the preparation that Keith Wilson had put into assembling his Quiddith gear the Headteacher replied:
“Well we managed to convince him Quidditch was made up and agreed to pay for the equipment for his second choice.
“However we then found out that he his second choice was light sabre duelling and he wants £3 million to fund the development of a “Safety Sabre” so he doesn’t run the risk of getting harmed…”
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