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>> News > United Kingdom
Blair Vows To Fight Dennis The Menace - March 14th 2004

Tony Blair has vowed to lead the fight against the children’s comic-book character, Dennis the Menace. Mr Blair insists it in important that Britain does not sit back and do nothing, and must take a proactive role in stopping the famous, spiky haired boy.

“It is important that we defend our way of life,” Mr Blair began, “For there are those who threaten it and do not wish for us to live peacefully. Mr Menace is one of those individuals.”

Tony Blair then detailed a list of UN violations that Dennis was supposed to have committed. These included the harbouring of chemical weapons in the form of stink bombs; the regular torturing of Walter the Softy’s dollies; not clearing up after his dog Gnasher in public places and not handing in his Geography homework in on time.

In reaction to Mr Blair’s announcement, former GCHQ translator Katharine Gun has revealed that several MI5 operatives have been secretly subscribing to Dennis the Menace’s fan club for the past 18 months in an effort to obtain vital intelligence to aid the war effort.

Mr Prescott is also a member of the fan club, but this is not believed to be in any official capacity. According to inside sources at the Beano, Mr Prescott has been in regular contact with their complaints department asking him when his specially ordered T-Shirt will be delivered.

Michael Howard was quick to criticise Mr Blair’s strategy claiming that there were more important targets he should be focusing on.

“Dennis the Menace is a minor problem. He poses no threat to our country. Roger the Dodger however is a criminal mastermind. He will no doubt use his intellect to ‘dodge’ paying taxes, and other things. And then there are the Bash Street Kids. They regularly wreak havoc and destruction in one of our nations schools yet Mr Blair’s Government stands by and does nothing. They have to be held accountable for this!”

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