Bush Confused By Dictionary – calls Iraq Pictures ‘Abhorrent’

5th June 2004

Following days of extensive research in he recently acquired dictionary George Bush emerged to declare the recent photographs of American soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners as “Abhorrent.”

The President’s declaration comes a few days after Prime Minister Tony Blair’s condemnation of similar photographs of British troops abusing Iraqi prisoners released after the American photographs.

An aide explained that the reason Mr Bush had taken so much time in doing so was because he wanted to make sure he found the right word to express his feelings he went to his local bookshop and purchased a dictionary.

“I’m not exactly sure why Mr Bush did this,” The aide told us, “I mean we’ve got plenty of dictionaries in the White House’s library and failing that there is one built into his word processor. As if that’s not enough he could have always gone to dictionary.com.”

Apparently Mr Bush stayed up all night with the dictionary trying to find the perfect word. However, even after 3 days Mr Bush had still failed to come up with a word.

“It turns out Mr Bush didn’t entirely understand how the dictionary worked. He knew it was a tool to look up words but he didn’t realise it was just a reference tool. He expected it to read as some kind of a guide to creating your perfect word.” The aide explained, “When I explained to him how it worked he asked if there was an easier way than reading through the 70,000 words that were listed in his edition I said it helped if you knew what word you were looking for.

“The President insisted that he would not trust such an important word and told me he would read the entire dictionary cover to cover and then select his favourite word. However, when he got up and used the word ‘abhorrent’ it was fairly early he’d got bored halfway through the second page and gone with that one – although to be fair there were quite a few he could of used.

“I guess we’re just lucky he didn’t get as far as ‘ace’”