Lord Hutton Disappointed Inquiry Not Needed To Sack Piers Morgan

13th June 2004

Lord Hutton has expressed his disappointment that he was not required to sack the former editor of the Daily Mirror Piers Morgan. He had expected when news broke that the Daily Mirror had obtained a collection of photographs depicting British soldiers abusing Iraqi POWs that his services would once again be called upon:

“When I heard about the pictures I immediately knew they had the potential to damage the Governments reputation regarding the Iraq war and therefore my services would probably be called upon once more,” Lord Hutton explained in an exclusive review to Random Perspective, “However once I saw the pictures it became quite clear the Government could cope without me. It’s a shame really, Hutton Report II had rather a nice ring to it.”

Lord Hutton was last called in by the Government to oversee a criticism of the Labour party where a BBC journalist made a comment that damaged the Government’s reputation. Lord Hutton ruled that the comment was fake and the head of the BBC was forced to step down.

“Piers Morgan was a little foolish,” Hutton remarked, “Any other year and he would have been remembered as the most significant executive in journalism to be pushed from his position. However in a year where the Director General of the BBC – Greg Dyke no less – has been axed you’re always going to come off second fiddle. Particularly as most people liked Greg Dyke.”

Piers Morgan remains defiant that he did the right thing and claims the Government has still not given sufficient evidence that the photographs were faked. He has also claimed the stories about him being sacked have been faked and he will be returning to the One Canada Square, Canary Wharf on Monday to continue his role as editor.

A spokes person for the Sun, one of the Mirror’s tabloid rivals, believes Mr Morgan has become delusional as he has proof the photos were faked that any idiot could understand:

“Piers’ attitude clearly represents someone who has not so much lost it, but probably never had it,” he explained, “You only have to look at the photographs to realise they are staged. If you look on Page 3 of the Sun you will notice that the pictures of the breasts are nice and focused – you can make out all of the details. This is an example of a stages photograph, intended for our viewers.

“If you now turn to page 5 where we have a photograph of Britney Spears sunbathing topless on the beach you will notice the breasts are all blurred. In fact, the whole photo is blurred and out of focus – the picture could be of Cherie Blair with a blonde wig on. This photograph was not intended for our viewers, particularly if it turns out to be Cherie Blair.”

It is not known whether the editor of the Sun will be asked to step down for claiming to have photographs of Britney Spears naked that are almost certainly fakes.