FBI Arrest Brad Pitt For Creating Trojan Horse

28th June 2004

The FBI have arrested Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt after they found evidence he was directly involved in creating a Trojan Horse and using it to launch a massive attack, bringing down a corporation know as Troy. The FBI claim to have found video evidence of Brad Pitt planning and leading the Trojan Horse attack – being broadcast innocuously at cinemas and movie theatres across the globe.

“I had just gone off for a quit night out with my girlfriend,” FBI agent Chuck Hankman revealed, “We had intended to go and see Shrek 2 but it wasn’t being shown and there was this film with Brad Pitt on Screen 2. My girlfriend has a bit of a thing for Brad Pitt so we went to see that instead.

“I was shocked when I saw Brad Pitt using a Trojan Horse to attack this company called Troy. I’m not exactly sure what Troy did, I was too busy making out with my girlfriend at the beginning of the movie and wasn’t paying attention.”

Mr Hankman says that Brad Pitt was arrested shortly after he finished the urgent business of reaching 3rd base in his car on the way back to drop his girlfriend at her home. He explained the actor was later released on bail, his lawyer claiming the attack was entirely fictitious, having been based on a story from Ancient Greek Mythology.

Mr Hankman explained his is certain that he believes Brad Pitt’s claims to be ‘dubious’ given that the Ancient Greeks did not have computers and felt it was unlikely that a Trojan Horse would be compatible with their abacuses.

“Even if it turns out this is all the work of Hollywood and did not actually take place,” Mr Hankman went on, “It is still highly irresponsible of Brad Pitt to show the audience how to actually create a real Trojan Horse. Didn’t he remember what happened in Fight Club? His producers were wise enough not to show the audience how to create Nitro-glycerine back then – you’d think they would have remembered that before filming the creation of something as dangerous as a Trojan Horse.”