|Playstation Console Wins “Parent of the Year” Award - May 28th 2004|
A Playstation Console from London has won the prestigious “Parent of the Year award today, easily pushing aside rivals such as the TV, the Internet and hot favourite Keith Wilson. The games console, produced by the Japanese firm Sony, is widely considered to be one of the most widely used tools for educating children at home and thus the panel felt it was most deserving of the award.
“At the end of the day, it was not a close run competition,” Chuck Hankman told us on behalf of the panel, “We heard testimonials on behalf of each of the finalists and the one given on behalf of the Playstation was exceptional. Nothing else came close to equalling it.”
Keith Wilson was the only human entered in the competition and had been hotly tipped to be the favourite to win the event. However, ultimately whilst his technique of giving the children in his neighbourhood drugs for free in order to stop them committing crimes was largely considered to later backfire when he suddenly started charging for them.
“Everyone expected local drug dealer Keith Wilson to win,” Chuck explained, “But whilst he did keep the children occupied whilst their real parents couldn’t be bothered to parent them these kids are going to end up committing more crime in the future to feed their drug habits than he is preventing them from committing today.”
It was largely the educational value of the Playstation that elevated it to first place – the Internet was too susceptible to exposing children to pornography and the TV was susceptible to exposing children to the Teletubbies – both of which are considered too obscene to be witnessed by children.
“The Playstation is an exceptional learning tool,” Chuck continued, “I heard how it taught many youngsters the words ‘BOOM!’ and ‘BANG!’ and has got them running around the house making machine gun noises. It's breeding a nation of little soldiers and a little army discipline wouldn’t go amiss in the younger generation.”
Following the award the Government is expected to announce plans to put a Playstation in every home in order to substantially increase the quality of parenting delivered. Both Microsoft and Nintendo have objected to the plans explaining their games consoles are far more educational. Nintendo have made their console Cube shaped thus teaching their users about the six sided shape.
Microsoft insisted they can top this effort. As well as basing the shape and name of their console on the 24th letter of the alphabet they claim their console will help keep its users fit – a criticism levelled at even the mighty Playstation. Microsoft have claimed that by basing their new system on the obsolete Windows 95 operating system that its users will be moving from the couch to the games console to hold down reset after every crash.
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