Americans Annoyed as 4th of July Becomes Just Another British Bank Holiday

4th August 2004

Following the successful British Invasion, and recapture of its former colony – the United States of America – many Americans have expressed their disappointment that the 4th of July is to become just one of many minor holidays on their national calendar.

Previously, the 4th of July had been one of the most important national holidays on the American calendar, celebrating the day the American colonists gained independence from their British Empire. However, now that Britain has recaptured the United States – on the same date – the 4th of July will become one of many successful conquests in Britain’s history.

When asked whether the July 4th 2004 would become an annual celebration for the British, Prime Minister Tony Blair responded:

“Obviously it will become a Bank Holiday, however I can’t see it becoming much more significant than that. We have won many wars in our history and I don’t see this as much different.”

American Corporations have been disappointed with the Prime Minister’s comments, explaining the 4th of July had been particularly useful at propping up the summer slump in the economy.

“Everyone knows that summer is a slow time of year for many businesses,” business analyst Chuck Hankman explained, “However, the 4th of July was great at providing a boost – suddenly we can start marketing no end of 4th of July merchandise charging twice the price for crap people would never normally buy.

“My company sells 4th of July Pencil Cases with FM radios built in for $50 a time. Normally we struggle to give these away in cereal packets, but this past week we’ve sold half a million to people wanting to give one to their aunt, their neighbor and their boss… all in the name of independence!

“Now all we’ve got is some bank holiday – I’ve got no idea what the hell a bank holiday even is. Man… British rule sucks.”