Democrats Call for Bush to be Banned From Presidential Election

6th November 2004

The Democrats have called for President Bush to be banned from the forthcoming Presidential Election claiming he has violated the law by bribing people to vote for him. The move comes shortly after the Republican Party called for filmmaker Michael Moore to be prosecuted for giving students food if they promised him they would vote.

Chuck Hankman, a spokesperson for the Republican Party defended his party’s actions:

“Michael Moore is clearly violating the law. The law states you must not secure somebody’s vote in exchange for something of value. Whilst many people would dispute that a bag of crisps or noodles are valuable you have to remember that the people he was giving them to are students – and our party has ensured they are as poor as f**k so even the smallest morsel of food would easily twist their arm.”

This viewpoint was echoed by one of the students who attended Michael Moore’s tour:

“I may not support the Democratic Party, and would rather President Bush got in to power – however Michael Moore gave me some noodles and I promised him I would vote for John Kerry. I really have no option now but to do that – I mean, even though I didn’t give him my name he didn’t really look at me, and its an anonymous election so he wouldn’t know which way I actually voted, I feel compelled to vote for Senator Kerry. I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay him back for those noodles if he found out.” Chuck Hankman Jnr explained to us.

The Democrats, whilst clearly stating they did not endorse Michael Moore’s actions, were quick to state the President was also guilty of the same crime:

“Tax cuts!” Democratic spokesperson Keith Wilson explained, “The President is always promising to cut taxes which is effectively giving the voters something for voting for him. And given that a sizeable proportion of his voters earn 7 figure annual incomes the tax breaks and tax cuts they receive are of considerably higher value than a bag of chips.”