Church of Definitive Laws Offended by New Religious Hate Laws

31st January 2006

As the Government pushes forwards with its plan to introduce new religious hate laws, yet another group has stood up in protest. Joining the Evangelists, Atheists, the Disciples of Bean and many other religious organisations, the Church of Definitive Laws has expressed their concerns with the new legislation:

“This new law is dangerous,” Keith Wilson, head of the organisation exclaimed, “And something needs to be done about it. If they introduce it nobody will dare say anything critical of anything in case it crosses this rather vague line and can be ruled to be inciting hatred by whoever has the better solicitor.”

Supporters for the new laws expressed their different point of view – Chuck Hankman, spokesperson for 'Xenophilia' explained his thinking:

“It's the government's responsibility to take care of it's citizens and tackle situations that people them at risk. Take drink driving for instance – that's dangerous. And something needed to be done about it. That's why it was made illegal. The same thing applies here, by expressing religious hatred people are encouraging people to be violent towards people for all manner of reasons – mostly because they hate their religion.”

Keith Wilson responded by claiming he didn't object to laws stopping racial hatred and violence – but that the new laws were far too vague and more or less anything could be construed as breaking it if you looked at it from a certain point of view.

The Government responded by explaining that the line was clear cut and gave an example of a quote that abided to the new laws and one that broke it:

“I hate [Insert Religion] – it's a nonsense religion that serves no good” was issued as a quote that abided by the new laws however “I hate [Insert Religion] – it's dangerous and something needs to be done about it” was given as an example that broke it.

After issuing the statement, the chairman of the minority atheist denomination [Insert Religion] said that would be taking the Government's spokesperson to court for inciting hatred against them in his second statement.

The Disciples of Bean responded to the claim saying that the example given by the Government was ridiculous as it meant they would not be able to criticise stupid religions like Scientology which are dangerous and do need something doing about:

“Those people believe in an alien called Xenu? And frozen alien souls trapped in human bodies? And thetan levels... what's going on! These guys deserve to have the piss ripped out of them.”

The Government refuted those claims explaining that attitudes like that were incredibly dangerous and needed the new laws brought into effect so something was done about them.