Man Constructs Life-sized Snow Sculpture Of Britain

12th January 2010

NASA has released a photograph today of the most audacious snow sculpting prank ever pulled off – a giant life sized snow sculpture of the British Isles in the North Sea, just above France. It is the believed that the sculpture, one of the most intricately constructed snow model s ever constructed, is the largest snow prank in history.

“To be honest, I had got a little bored of them,” Cambridge University Meteorologist Keith Wilson declared, “The first time you saw a snow model of a couple having sex on the bonnet of a Ford Mondeo it was funny. Seeing a snow model of a woman squatting down to have a piss out the back of Argos, I admit I chuckled.

“But it was all the snow penises that had started to tire me. Every roundabout, school playground, dentist surgery I passed – some joker had built a metre tall penis out of snow. Some were more accurate than others – I mean, the one outside the dentist had gone to the trouble to use grass to represent the public hair – yet the one that the high school teachers built outside their staff room had woefully underdeveloped testicles. I hope it was not made by the head of biology, if not most of the male students at that school are going to think they’ve got cancer.”

Given how infrequently snow normally falls in the United Kingdom, psychologists are not surprised that so many Britons have reacted the way that they have, however they have issued grave warnings following the extended period of time the snow has lasted for:

“I heard on the news just before Christmas about a small village in Norfolk who had used the snow to construct a giant snow pyramid in their school playing field. Like everyone else I saw it as a positive sign that the community was pulling together to help each other out... the festive spirit.

“However, rather disturbingly, it has transpired that none of them have returned to their homes. They seem to have formed a cult sacrificing virgins to the moon god so he will watch over their empire.

“Even stranger, a breakway faction desserted the snow pyramid and built a rival Snow Sphere – however because the snow was a few days old it is all brown and slushy. If we don’t get these people out soon they will soon all drown. And there is still the possibility of virgin killing but given that all the daughters in that village have met their fathers it is unlikely they will come across any.”