Custom Search
News
International
United Kingdom
United States
Sport
Entertainment
Internet
Science / Tech

Features
Articles
Notices
Editorial
Submissions

2010
January

The Dark Age
Nov 06 - Dec 09

2006
October
September
April
March
February
January

2005
December
October
September
May
April
February
January

2004
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2003
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2002
December
November




Hosted by
2f3 Internet

More Humour
BBspot
The Bentinel
Big Fib
Broken Newz
The Daily Bull
Deadbrain UK
Deadbrain US
Faux Newz
The Fake News
Glossy News
The Hammer
I-Mockery
KTAB News
Muskrat News
News Hax
No Apologies Press
On The John
Perplexing Times
Rant Morgan
Satirium
Social Scrutiny
The Specious Report
Studio 8
The Toque
Trepanning
US Press
The Voice of Reason UK
The Voice of Reason US
Watley Review
Weekly Canard

Music Sites
Sonar Radar
BeatEd.com
Green Plastic
No Through Road
>> News > Internet
British Godfather Ran Crime Empire Via Mafia Wars - January 31st 2010

It has been discovered that one of Britain's most dangerous gangsters have been using the social networking website Facebook to organise criminal activities from inside his maximum security prison. Colin Gunn, who is serving a 35 year sentence, has been using the social networking site to threaten and intimidate his enemies from his criminal empire in Nottingham.

“It began so innocently,” One victim informed us in silhouette with an actor's voice, “I logged in to Facebook and I received a notification 'You have been poked by Colin' – at the time I did not realise that it was Colin Gunn, I mean I have over 2,000 friends on Facebook, it could have been any of them.

“However, a couple of days later he poked me again. And again the next day. He just kept poking and poking and poking me. I could not take it. I tried poking him back but it did not seem to get to him. He seemed to be able to just ignore it and poke me back.

“It got to me so much that in the end I had to unfriend him. I don't know what I would have done if I had not thought to do that.”

Despite the tenacity of the poking, some victims were able to take it. Chuck Hankman (formerly Keith Wilson from London Road prior to getting his new identity on the witness protection program) told us that after he altered his privacy settings to block the pokes showing up so prominently Colin Gunn just moved on to SuperPoke.

“Because SuperPoke is a third party application it got past my privacy filters,”Hankman continued, “Suddenly it went from me just being poked to having sheep, poo and cars thrown at me. The poking was easy enough to take – but to suddenly have 'You have had a bucket of poo tipped on you' announced to all my friends on my wall was a different kettle of fish altogether. One of my friends even commented 'LOL, STINKY' in response to one attack.

“I have been involved in bar brawls with broken bottles, knife attacks, muggings, knee cappings – but the psychological torture of being laughed at by all my friends for being knocked over by a novelty bowling ball trivialised all of my former criminal activities. Facebook has changed the face of gang warfare.”

SuperPoke was only the start of Colin Gunn's journey of using Facebook culture to propagate his criminal intentions. It was only once he came across Mafia Wars that he was able to take things to the next level.

“It is true that one of our inmates has been using the popular computer game 'Mafia Wars' during his permitted Internet time,” Prison warden Dennis Bock revealed, “Although I am not at liberty to divulge said person's identity I can confirm that the game struck a particular chord with him because of its relation to his criminal profession.”

Whilst it is not known exactly how Gunn is using Mafia Wars to co-ordinate his criminal activities outside of his prison cell the news that he is doing so has outraged many people. Conservative Leader David Cameron expressed his anger at the news:

“It is totally ridiculous that the Labour Government has allowed society to evolve to the point at which hardened criminals can spend their time online playing computer games they enjoy. Conservative Party Member Jeffrey Archer was only permitted to use the Internet when he went home in the evenings whilst he was at prison and I have it on good authority that Tony Martin was not allowed to play FarmVille.”

The Daily Mail was even more outraged at the news. Whilst they too were angry as how soft Britain had become towards criminals, they also expressed their dissatisfaction at the existence of Mafia Wars.

“Everyone is suggesting that Colin Gunn is playing Mafia Wars because he is a gangster.” a columnist wrote on their private blog, “However, if you suspend all logic and reason and look at it from a different angle it is surely more likely that playing Mafia Wars gave him the idea to be gangster.

“Whilst some liberals might suggest that gangsters have existed before computer games and modern television shows that glamorise the profession – the fact is that in the 1920s, at its golden age, all they did was to hang around in exclusive bars with Tommy Guns in violin cases, smuggling alcohol to the American elite. Back then it was an almost noble profession.

“Now, thanks to Grand Theft Auto and The Sopranos, kids have got it in their heads that organised crime involves torture and shoot outs with high tech assault rifles. And worst of all, they don't seem to dress well anymore. Back in the day you could spot a gangster at 100 metres because of his stylish mix of suit and shades. A lot of them just look like regular street bums or like they belong to the member of a music band popular with the lower class.”

Facebook Mobile for Gangsters
Whilst Facebook has been responsible for allowing prisoners to continue their criminal activities from inside their cells, it has also enabled the Police to identify masked criminals when they tag themselves on their Facebook profile.

Click to share this page on:
Disclaimer: Random Perspective accepts no responsibility for your believing of anything on this website.

The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

IMPORTANT: If you do not appreciate or understand this article please consult your doctor as your right ventromedial prefrontal cortex is impaired.
Latest News
Conservatives to increase Public Service praise by 200%

Shocking Image Confirms UKIP's Claims That Immigration Has Left Parts of Britain Unrecognisable

Santa Unveils Drone Fleet To Revolutionize Christmas Present Delivery in 2013

British and American Government Reach Consensus on Math vs Maths Debate

Yahoo Staff Hope Marissa Mayer's Love For Baking Ends Soon



Related Articles
British Students Condemn AQA, Launch Facebook Group Protesting Having To Learn

Facebook Helps Remind Man Why He Lost Contact With All His Old Friends

Random Perspective Proves Most Internet Users are Stupid

Blair Vows To Fight Dennis The Menace

Latest Police Figures Show Tramp Bashing Up by 100%









Do you like this website?
Please let me know your opinions by emailing me or contacting me via MSN on BenDickson@Hotmail.com

Random Perspective: News, Satire and Humour.
Random Stuff for those who read this far: Oak Worktops and Walnut Worktops, Bespoke Designer Kitchens, Fruit Videos, FruitVideos Blog, Norfolk Wedding Photography, and Lowestoft Estate Agent