Yahoo Stock Plummets after Marissa Mayer Scores less than 7 on HotOrNot

25th March 2013

The Internet tech giant Yahoo saw its stock reach record lows after it was revealed that a picture of their CEO Marissa Mayer scored 6.8 out of 10 on the website HotOrNot.com

Ms Mayer, a highly successful figure in the technology industry with an impressive career, joined Yahoo in July last year and was seen by many to be a star signing who would turn the company around. However, today’s revelation saw their fortunes plunge even lower as traders on Wall Street and the London Stock Exchange immediately began panic selling their shares sending shockwaves through the technology community:

“I’m shocked.” Technology reporter Keith Wilson exclaimed, “I did not even realise HotOrNot.com was still going. I assumed it died with MySpace.”

The surprise was not confined to the journalists, with readers of the websites expressing their disbelief in the comments sections:

“I can’t believe it.” HornyDude69 wrote, “Only 6.8? She’s easily a 9 in my book. I’d defo not say no to that piece of ass. Does she have a sister?”

With the collapse of Yahoo’s share prices in wake of the news, pundits are speculating about what should happen next. Industry analyst Chuck Hankman explained to us where Yahoo went wrong:

“You first have to ask, what sort of person is interested in technology?” He said, “Quite simple. He is someone who is interested in futuristic gadgets. He is someone who likes the latest specs, cutting edge design, he’s definitely not someone stuck in the past.

“He is highly critical, he is very demanding. If he is going to complain about a pentile OLED display on a Samsung, or the skeuomorphic nature of Apple’s design then he’s going to want a woman CEO to be a 10/10. Remember, he’s the sort of person that marks out of 10 matter the most to. He won’t buy a laptop unless it gets an average score about 8.5 on his favourite websites.”