97% of British People Believe in Genies

4th April 2013

Following the revelation by the Church of England that 80% of people in Britain believed in the power of prayer, Random Perspective commissioned its own poll to determine how many people believed in Genies.

Posing the question “If a genie appeared and offered you three wishes, what would those wishes be?” to 1,000 people only 29 people declined to offer wishes of their own leading to the shocking conclusion that 97.1% of the British population must believe in Genies.

“Quite frankly the results astonish me,” leading religious commentator Keith Wilson remarked, “Looking at the breakdown of the results, 45% of male respondents wished for a sexual encounter with identical twins. This is a wish guys… why limit yourself with identical twins, with a wish you could have identical octuplets… that all look like Scarlet Johansson.”

Secular groups have been quick to dismiss the results, claiming that the way the question is phrased means anyone can give an answer regardless of their belief in Genies:

“The question is flawed.” Prominent Atheist Chuck Hankman explained, “People don’t believe in Genies. And many people might wish, on stars or on eye lashes or on that bone you get in chickens, but they still don’t believe in them. They know its superstitious nonsense but just do it because it’s habit.”

The British Humanist Association refused to comment on the poll, however a member remarked that only 55% of respondents who gave wishes stated that they would wish for more wishes, highlighting their assertion that at least 45% of people who do wish are complete idiots.