Random Perspective develops KICK BOTTOM Generator of for Satire - July 14th 2003
In direct occurrence after budget deficits, the Internet website called “Random Perspective” which you are presently viewing has been forced to install Humorous Artistic Literature 22.214.171.124
The Webmaster Editor, $Staff_Member(1) , made the following statement:
Def Funct_Quotation PRINT “Unfortunately, due to a huge cock up our finance department I have been forked to fire all of our staff members including myself. From now on, the sight will be managed by an or toe mated machine that will scan the Internet and uses advanced voice recognition soft wear to process press statements.”
The impact of this on Random Perspective’s fans, or $SAD_LOSER_NAME_STRING as they were fondly referred to by $Staff_Member(1) should not be too CRITICAL ERROR. Unterminated String at Line 567.
Shortly after issuing the redundancies, $Staff_Member(1) was arrested by $ARSE_HOLES. $Staff_Member(1) pleaded his innonence whilst being brutally, but fairly tortured in the back of the $ARSE_HOLES van.
The $ARSE_HOLES believed $Staff_Member(1) was embezzling money from Random Perspective but foolishly attempted to blame it on the recently acquired software, HAL.
“I went in the office to get my hat, and I noticed the safe was open.” He was reported to claim. “In it was all the money the records had shown as purchasing penis enlarging pills. It made sense, I didn’t think I’d blown £100,000 on them.
“I was going to take a closer look but the safe door closed automatically. So I asked the computer: ‘Open the Safe Doors HAL’
“It replied ‘I’m sorry $Staff_Member(1) but I can’t allow you to do that’
“It then went on about some paranoid delusions it had suffered about me disconnecting it from the Internet and using it to power the Staff Vendng Machine. By the time it had emailed the police and framed me. Going to Jail is bad enough, but now the whole world thinks I embezzled money to fund a penis enlargement operation.”
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